What Did I Do?
by Karen Syens

As I'm laying here in bed
I try to rest the mind in my head
Thoughts keep racing through my mind
I'm just trying to relax and unwind

I was thinking how happy I was in the past
To think now how my life changed so fast
Earlier in the year I went to the allergist thinking I'm allergic to trees
Instead I came away finding I have a rheumatic disease

Can this be true?
What do I do?
I look to God and ask "How can this happen to me?"
Thinking in my head "Did I do something to offend Thee?"

Seven months almost to the date
I was tired of the long drawn out wait
My rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis came
I still didn't know who to blame

I have thousands of thoughts and questions on this per day
One thought is I didn't live my life to the fullest and now I must pay
Why are my joints so swollen and why does my body have to hurt so...
If you are trying to punish me God, this was a low blow

This couldn't have come at a worse time
I was just hitting my young adulthood prime
My life was starting to get some sort of order
Who knows what will happen it's like the flip of a quarter

The Hydrocodone is working now and my eyes start to close
My mind is still racing when it will stop nobody knows
The pain is lessening as I fall asleep this night
To take medication to sleep and ease the pain is just not right