But the pain got in the way.

Not counting jumping in a pool of cold water, I've got two ways to dissipate heat: sweat through my paws, and pant.

I wish I had two equally effective ways to dissipate pain. It's been a companion for so long that I'm not aware anymore of the negative effects it has on my life and those I love. I've worked out this elaborate system of keeping the pain at bay, but it creeps in when I'm not watching. Before I know it, I've bitten the brat who grabbed my tail.

And then I have to listen to the talk about "should we keep him," like I can't understand anything they're saying about me.

The brat heals, but I don't. There's the pain which caused the bite, then there's the guilt which causes the pain, and the talk about being banished. When my peer group of humans (they are my peers) doesn't want me, there isn't much lower a dog can go.

So I usually solve the problem by being bitchy (the human definition) to someone else who isn't in my immediate peer circle. It's not difficult to find someone who will take my abuse while I preserve my immunity.

That's what pain does to me. You could describe my actions as irrational, but, if your neurons were firing at the rate mine are, you would see there is nothing irrational about biting a brat or abusing a stranger.

Nothing right about it either, but definitely nothing irrational.

Just like there is nothing irrational about the brat coming back and talking quietly to me while he scratches my ears. It's really all I ever wanted, and all he ever wanted to do. But the pain got in the way.