Pain and love.

Unless you understand how living with pain affects your ability to love, you can't understand why it's healthy to be bitchy. One time I woke up without pain and I noticed right away that I was smiling - you know tongue hanging out, back teeth showing, tail wagging. Right away I knew I was happy because I didn't have that pain in my hips, and right away I wondered how it must feel to wake up feeling good like this after every nap. Remember, I sleep 20 hours a day, so I wake up bitchy about 33 times in a 24-hour period. And when I wake up as a result of some careless foot finding its way into my stomach, no matter how accidental, the benchmark by which bitchiness is measured is raised.

I have a friend who has a very large tumor in her stomach. It can't be removed without also removing her liver and that would mean going on a waiting list for a transplant. And for dogs, that is a very long wait. The tumor is benign, and it has stopped growing at about 15 pounds. She looks like an overweight middle aged dog, and gets disapproving stares wherever she goes.

She and I commiserate on one point. We're not asking for your sympathy, or for your indulgence, or even your understanding. What we want is more difficult than providing any of those things. We're asking you not to judge, because that affects our ability to love.