Critical Friends, Rude Dinner Guests, and a Really Bad Kisser

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My husband is traveling overseas to Europe in a few weeks. He's been wanting to do this for quite some time, and I'm happy he's finally decided to go. The one condition is that he insists on taking the trip alone. I don't find a problem with it. My friends, however, think I'm being foolish and naive for letting him go without me. Should I listen to them? I usually take their advice.

-Reticent Wife

Dear Reticent,

Though your friends' collective opinion may have been applicable to the heated "'Powdered Maize' or 'Coral Cockleshell' As A Living Room Trim" debate, their conjectures regarding your husband's Pan-Atlantic sojourn are irrelevant. Trust your man with unmitigated confidence. If you were to say, "You're not leaving Angola, Ohio, unless I'm going with you" -- you'd be perverting the mutual trust that exists between you and your husband. If anything, permit your friends to help choose the luggage pattern. Might I recommend American Tourister's Forester Collection?

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend is a really bad kisser. He's cute, he's funny, he's smart. But I can't seem to get over his lack of kissing skills. The other night, I actually considered breaking up with him because of this one factor. Am I being ridiculous? Should I work to reform him?

-Kiss and Tell

Dear Tell,

Tangential anecdote approaching: I once hired a maid for the purpose of cleaning my panoply of Precious Moments figurines. To my dismay, this woman dusted with such egregious incompetence that I fired her on the spot. You see, I chose to dump the maid rather than expose my porcelain to imminent peril.

Likewise, you need to lose the boyfriend and find a man who can "dust your figurines" with skill. If past partners couldn't set him straight, you're better off moving on. Good luck -- and thanks for putting up with my obtuse Precious Moments analogy!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My wife and I have arthritis, so we are naturally inclined to support particular politicians and legislation. Not all of our friends agree with our opinions, but who could expect them to? That said, we occasionally dine with a couple that criticizes our political stance with snide comments and eyeball rolling. They are a rude pair, but I'd like to try and look past it. Should I tell them how my wife and I feel, or should I never invite them for dinner again?

--Debased Diner

Dear Debased,

The next time Betty and Earl host their Caribbean-themed BBQ, politely say that their patronizing criticisms make you and your wife uncomfortable. This will allow them an opportunity to apologize. If they still do not respect your right to avidly espouse polygamy (just kidding!), then they sadly lost two wonderful dinner partners. Eyeball rolling is something I've never understood, love -- with one's pupils in that position, it is impossible to see a different perspective. Not to mention tactfully eat a plate of pappardelle pasta with olives, thyme, and lemon. Good luck!

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