Opposites, Tightwads, and Boys!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm a 22-year-old woman with arthritis. I've finally met a man my age who also has arthritis, but there is just one problem: we really are nothing alike. He goes to bed early; I watch late-night TV. He loves hip-hop; I listen to Celine Dion. We are just so unalike -- is there any hope that we might last as a couple?

-In Love and Unalike

Dear Unalike,

To reluctantly quote Paula Abdul, "opposites attract." And believe me: there is a bit of truth in this tiresome bromide. Conflicting views and opinions add flavor to a relationship, and I would honestly employ greater concern if you two were precise analogs of each other. Appoint a charitable smile to his peculiar interest in "hip-hop," and perhaps you all with accept (or even learn from) each others' tastes.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Having arthritis is expensive, I know. My husband has RA, and his medication takes a considerable chunk out of our wallets. Regardless, I still like to maintain a certain standard of living. I like to eat out. I like to go to the movies. I like to go shopping. My husband, on the other hand, is rather stingy and would like to see our salaries tucked neatly away in the bank. He continually makes me feel guilty for spending money, and I really want to convey to him my frustration. Any advice?

-Big Spender

Dear Big,

Oh, love, let's be honest. Your husband is a veritable tightwad. How he cannot see the joys in a reckless shopping spree is beyond my grasp, but I urge you to not feel guilty for spending the occasional tuppence here and there. You work hard for your money, so you'd better treat yourself right! (Yet another allusion to an exhausted pop song. My apologies.)

I'm afraid, though, that your husband will not likely change. He appears to be set in his ways, and just as you have the right to spend, he, too, has every right to save. And so, I suggest you open up your own bank account, apply for your own credit card, and get your own closet space in which to hide your material treasures. And if he still doesn't want to go to T.G.I. Friday's for dinner, then grab a friend and go! (And splurge on the pot stickers; they're fabulous!)

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

How do you tell if a guy likes you?

-Unsure 2nd Grader

Dear Unsure,

Men are no mystery, love. They are easier to read then a Denny's menu. Just look for the following signs:

If the man is under the age of 10, then he will show his interest by calling you names and throwing dirt at you. Seek retribution by calling him a "patriarchal fascist" or perhaps a "butt monkey," and when you are both sentenced to a Time-Out, get acquainted with each other. It's that easy!

Should the man be over the age of 10, then the signs are far more implicit. Usually, if he compliments you on your eyes or hair, or buys you lots of drinks, then the spark of romance is ablaze! Good luck with the boy. Let me know how it turns out.

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