Concealing Your True Colors

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Hi. I'm single teenaged girl in high school. For a while, I've liked this boy (let's call him Andy), but I'm starting to suspect that he's gay. I also have a crush on this other boy, who was recently dumped by my best friend. To make matters even more complex, this boy is also friends with Andy! Should I date Andy or my best friend's ex? What should I do?

-Truly Torn

Dear T.T.,

FYI: To date either chap would be ill-advised. One boy was recently kicked off the Island of Paradise by his erstwhile girlfriend - a.k.a. your best friend! Unless you covet the "erstwhile" prefix, as well, I would leave that boy alone so as not to enrage your friend. Perhaps they are merely "taking a break" from each other, as opposed to the more diuturnal divorce that you suspect.

As for the other boy? Well, my love, you think he's gay. And whether he is or isn't matters not. Rather, the simple fact that you question his sexuality reveals that a meaningful, honest relationship just isn't in the cards for you two.

Just as Ms. Meniscus does not recommend you date these boys, I also do not recommend that you toss them aside like yesterday's Washington Post. Instead, embrace them as friends. Who knows? Perhaps one of them has a young, virile, straight friend or brother who is just dieing to date you. Best of luck!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

OK, I admit it. I dye my hair. Big deal! But people (read: complete strangers!) continue to ask me, "Is that your real color?" I find this incredibly rude. What do I say to people who ask such ridiculous things?

-Bleach Baffled

Dear Baffled,

You say, "Yes." Or, "No." Or anything, really. Adopt your answer to the milieu in which you find yourself. If, for example, it is the cashier at Wawa who inquires into your true hue, you may reply with a flippant, "Psshaw!" But if the hawkshaw happens to be a good friend of yours, feel free to tell her about Clairol Absolute Hydrience Bronze and how fabulous it is.

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