Sloppy Messes, Rude Waiters, and Big Words

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I work in an office where both the men and women share a bathroom. Though the entire office is cleaned every morning, our bathroom is a complete disaster by 5 p.m. I know that everyone uses a bathroom regardless of gender, but the messiness can definitely be attributed to the male population of our office. Is there any way I can politely urge them to use the facilities in a more "cautionary" way? Thanks.

-Tidy

Dear Tidy,

Assuming that Ms. Meniscus interprets the term "cautionary" appropriately, might I suggest you hang a gleeful sign or two within the stalls? There are a number of avenues you could take, one being: "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat." Too light-hearted for your office's professional mien? Then try: "We aim to please. You should aim, too, please." Ta!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

When my husband and I go out to a restaurant or to a clothing store, we are often referred to by the employees as "you guys." Though this might fly in The Gap or something, I think it's highly inappropriate in any respectable restaurant. Is the term "you guys" truly rude, or am I just being ridiculous?

-Most Definitely NOT a Guy

Dear Most Definitely,

Ms. Meniscus does not feel you are being ridiculous. Not only is the "you guys" salutation awkwardly sexist, but it is infused with the casualness generally reserved for family and close friends. To explain this to the waiter at T.G.I. Friday's, however, would only make you an irritable gadfly. Instead, make a joke of it by saying, "Now that 'the guys' have ordered, may I order, as well?" He'll either get the point - or it'll go right over his button-covered hat. Bon appetit!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Why do you use such big words? What do they all mean? What did you get on your SATs?

-Vocabularily Vexed

Dear Vexed,

The English language is a glorious quilt of vowels and consonants, and I am determined to employ every nuance in my everyday lexicon. "Lexicon," my love, is a term which means "vocabulary." "Vocabulary" is a collection of "words" and "phrases" - terms which, in this context, refer to the set of linguistic forms produced by combining a single base with various inflectional elements. It is my hope that this column of mine introduces you to the wonderful world of "words" - alliteration positively intended! Buy yourself a dictionary, and we can embark on this splendorous journey together.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm a guy in high school, and I've been keeping my arthritis a secret from everyone. I'm fit and pretty good-looking (at least my boyfriend tells me so). Since I don't have any outward indications, so it's pretty easy to conceal it. I'm starting to feel bad about it though. I lied on the health form I had to fill out to play soccer, denying that I had any illness. I'm usually an honest person, but the last thing I want is for people to start treating me like a victim. This problem of mine is really bothering me, especially since I'm so honest about my sexuality. Do you think I should "come out" as a teenager with arthritis, or continue to keep it a secret?

-Closeted Arthritic

Dear Closeted,

Your arthritis is not the business of society at large. Many people live a successful life without conceding their personal goings-on (illness, relationships, hair color, etc.) to the public. Needless to say, the public and your doctor are two different entities. Though the young lady who sits across from you in English has no need to know of your condition, it is your doctor's business (entirely and literally) to be aware. You should not be lying on your health form. Though it is your right to conceal your arthritis, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.

Remember this, my dear. Ms. Meniscus is, lamentably, no oracle. I cannot predict what reactions you will receive from your friends, teammates, or teachers should you reveal to them that you have arthritis. Instead, seek the advice of those who have been in your situation. Visit the message boards on CreakyJoints and read about other people's experiences. I guarantee this to be more helpful that any amount of instructional tidings I could provide!

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