Marriages, Drag Queens, and Handshakes

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My husband left me for another woman one year ago. It annoyed me at first, but to be honest, I really don't care. Does this make me a bad person?

-Divorced with Disregard

Dear D.D.,

That doesn't make you a bad person. It just means that your marriage was one of less than stellar quality. Enjoy your newfound freedom and the carefree insouciance that accompanies it. As they say: Your marriage may have been tense, but your divorce is past-tense.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have a horrible feeling that my husband is cheating on me. He comes home late from work everyday with a different excuse. One day, I even found some women's items in his car. I am too afraid to ask what is going on. Can you help?

-Suspicious

Dear Suspicious,

His chronic, unexplained lateness and the panties raise one of two eyebrows. Either your husband is moonlighting as a drag queen, or he's cheating on you with another woman. Both are of equal possibility, so check the size of the waistband, just to be safe. If the thong don't fit, then I wouldn't acquit.

Should your husband be cheating on you, it's his responsibility to make things better. However, you may have to take the first step by mentioning it to him. Over dinner, tell him about the underwear you found in his Honda. Look him in the eyes and listen to what he says. Don't drive yourself crazy by "protecting" him from your suspicions. Give your husband too much rope, and he's bound to skip.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I know this guy who I sometimes chat with, but the other night, we talked for over 20 minutes. He asked me about my past relationships, and he told me about his. He seemed really interested, but at the end of the conversation, he simply said, "Nice talking to you," and shook my hand. I know I'll see him again at my job, but is he not interested in me since he shook my hand?

-Unsure

Dear Un,

Were you expecting him to jump you in the middle of the bar? Such tactics might work for an uncouth frat boy with misplaced hormonal frustrations, but your friend's handshake only shows that he is a true gentleman. Continue talking with him, and you'll be shaking his hand all the way to the bedroom - or at least to dinner and a movie.

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