Base Instincts, Sweet Sorrow, and Class Consciousness

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I recently attended a concert with a buddy of mine. After the concert ended, he spotted the base guitarist from the opening band standing alone in a corner of the club. My friend screamed and rushed over to the guitarist, showering her with compliments and begging for her autograph. First of all, the guitarist's band isn't even that huge. Second, I think it's a little tacky to approach a musical artist like some obsessed teenybopper. What is the proper etiquette for confronting "celebrities?"

-Fawning-Free Fan

Dear Fan,

There is a certain level of reverence reserved for the Queen, and then there is quite another reserved for actors, musicians, and scandalous interns. Ideally, a lingering guitarist should be approached calmly; a simple "I enjoy your work" or yielding of a body part for signing should suffice. Understandably, excitement gets the best of people - as illustrated by your friend's kowtowing display. Should you be in the presence of a sycophant again, turn away and salvage what pride you can. Accidents can be gruesome and it is best if you look the other way.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

After months of being a singleton, I finally met a nice boy. We've been hanging out for a few weeks and I've learned a lot about him - including the fact that he's a good kisser. Tragically, the college semester ends in 9 days, and we'll be parting ways until September. Should I hold onto the possibility of a relationship, or cut all ties now?

-Soon-to-be-Single

Dear Single,

Carnal knowledge is a textbook that never ends, dear. Why cut ties when classes resume in a few short months? My advice is to spend these final days cramming - and not necessarily for your biology final. When the time comes for him to head back to New Jersey, bid adieu and be grateful for the lessons learned. Promise to keep in touch, and enjoy the summer - even if it is as a (temporary) singleton.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My parents are not rich. We live comfortably, but a lot of money is put towards my arthritis meds. I recognize this, so I try not to ask for too much. Recently, however, it's been difficult to think this rationally because many of my college friends (read: their parents) are wealthy. Sometimes I resent the fact that my mother doesn't work or that my dad isn't CEO of some business. This makes me feel really guilty. I want to get over this attitude of being money-minded, but I just don't know how when I'm surrounded by rich people. What do I do?

-Poor

Dear Poor,

Ms. Meniscus is no stranger to class consciousness. If possible, I'd abandon the aisles of the Comfort Zone for a Prada boutique in a hot second. This is not an option, however, and I have accepted that. You should, too, because chances are that your parents work hard (whether it be in an office or the home) and value your health more than Kate Spade's latest clutch. Your friends may be well-off and reaping the benefits thereof, but in the end, money is money. Making it the central focus of your lifestyle is a choice imposed by yourself, not the people around you. Hopefully, you will recognize what Ms. Meniscus sees as true wealth -- and you won't find it by looking in your wallet.

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