Finger-Pointing Friends, Conjugal Conflicts, and Bad Advice

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Every time I complain about my creaky joints, someone feels the need to offer his or her own personal wives' tale or remedy for arthritis. Believe me: none of that advice is helpful to me. And when I explain to that person that such cures are bogus, he or she feels compelled to deliver a speech on how it really DOES work. Such nonsense only aggravates my condition. Am I just being upset over nothing, or is their advice truly in poor taste?

-Creaky and Cranky

Dear Cranky,

It's a biological imperative in mankind: people are just trying to be helpful. If you don't want anyone to offer you unsolicited solutions, then don't offer them your problems. It's a motto I live by.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Just recently, my friends have been telling me that my boyfriend is cheating on me. They tell me that I spend too much time with him, and they think he is trash. I told my boyfriend about the things they have been saying, and when he confronted my friends, they were totally speechless. So if what they were saying is true, why would they clam up all of a sudden? My boyfriend's friends tell me that he talks about me non-stop and that he's changed so much (for the better) since dating me. I feel that my boyfriend and I have a lot of trust in our relationship, and we are always happy together. Why are my friends doing this to me, and what should I do?

-Torn

Dear T.,

The patent answer is to stand by your man despite what your seemingly perfidious pals are saying. You ask why your friends are smearing slander about your boyfriend: I have no idea. Perhaps they are jealous about your relationship with him. Maybe they truly know something that you don't. But until they supply you with evidence to back their conjectures (or you catch your boyfriend in the act), carry on as usual. Good luck.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I was in an unhappy marriage for over eight years and finally decided to file for divorce a year ago. My divorce was final eight months ago. Two weeks after my divorce, I met a very nice man whom I love very much. He asked me to marry him this July, and I said yes. My problem is that my parents are refusing to come to my wedding because they say it is too soon for another marriage in my life. Frankly, they are basing their decision entirely on my brother's two failed marriages and the fact that they intensely disliked his second wife. My brother married his second wife within a few months of his divorce. I believe my parents are being terribly unfair to me.

The angry side of me wants to have nothing to do with them until they can accept my fiance. My friends are telling me that I should be the bigger person and treat them like nothing ever happened. My parents have done other things that have been equally hurtful, and quite frankly, I am tired of them walking all over me. What is your advice?

-Conjugal Conflict

Dear C.C.,

Despite the failed first marriage, Ms. Meniscus assumes you are charming, witty, and quite the catch, since a man has already whisked you off your feet after only a few short months on the market. Given also the eight-year duration of your former marriage, I further assume that you are no child. That said, I advise you to go with your heart, even if that means going against your parents' wishes. Your brother set a standard that you could very well transcend, and by doing so, your parents will accept your marriage as graciously as they did your first.

Of course, this all depends upon whether you and your fiance last. Just make sure that you do, lest you want a parental "I told you so" to echo in your ears indefinitely.

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