Summer Romance, Sobriety, and Chewing

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm 20 years old, and I've been dating Tom since March. At the end of May, Tom and I left school for the summer and returned to our respective homes (about 300 miles apart). We knew we wouldn't see much of each other until September, but we decided to stay together anyway. I miss him a lot, but it hasn't stopped me from casually dating. Tom says he hasn't been dating, but for all I know, we both could be lying to each other. Should I mention this to him when we head back to school?

Inquisitive Infidel

-Inquisitive Infiden

Dear I.I.,,

The first step you took towards ending this relationship was cheating on him with a bevy of other boys. The second step, should you continue to dance this tango of treachery, would be to tell him. If you want to salvage whatever you have left with Tom, Ms. Meniscus urges you to shut your mouth once school starts.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm going to be a freshman in college this fall, and I'm a little nervous. The meds I take do not allow me to drink alcohol, and I'm afraid I'm going to be seen as a loser at parties if I don't drink. What should I do?

-Sourly Sober

Dear Sober,

If you don't drink at all, people won't see you as a loser - they'll just think you're weird. That is, don't refrain from drinking beverages entirely. Instead, sip from a juice box or a glass of ginger ale at whatever frat party you attend, and no one will notice and/or care.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I know this sounds insane, but I got VERY irritated at the sound of other people chewing. My family does it all the time, and I sometimes am driven to leaving the table. Is it wrong to ask them to chew with care, or am I just being obsessive?

-All You Can Hear

Dear All,

Overly audible peristaltic actions can be, shall we say, nauseating. Still, this is no reason to alert the attentions of the offending dinner party. I suggest you, er, swallow your pride and move on to dessert.

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