The Trials and Travails of Courtship

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I was wondering if you could give me some suggestions on what to do at my Homecoming Dance. I'm scared! I dont know how to dance. I'm going with a guy who is my friend who asked me to go with him-- I said ok but I dont know what to do at the dance! Suggestions please!

-Every teenager everywhere

Dear Every Teenager Everywhere,

Let us deconstruct the word "Homecoming." The emphasis should be on "Home," a locale meant to engender comfort, cozyness, and good will towards humanity. In other words, Ms. Meniscus suggests that you not overly concern yourself with how you appear to others, but rather, that you bust a move and get on your groove. Don't be a wallflower, show some power. High school dances are painful enough; you subvert the requisite ridiculousness at such events by actually *enjoying them*. Remember Molly Ringwald in "Pretty in Pink?" While not everyone can fashion a bright pink dress with fashionable rips and tears in it (this was the 80s, unfortunately), one can learn from her determination to dance and have fun. Just be grateful that the electric slide is no longer en vogue.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year & a half, but he's always done drugs, and I don't like them.I asked him to stop and he promised he had, but I found out that he has been carrying on behind my back. I was so upset, we split up. After a lot of groveling from him I decided to give him another chance--except I've given him many chances before about drugs. It's tearing me apart; I can't trust him anymore. It's been 6 months and I'm still arguing with him about it. He swears he'll never do it again this time, and has even told his 'mates' where to go. But I still can't trust him-- any advice? please?

-Losing Hope

Dear Stella,

Let me explain the seemingly inappropriate address. You are playing the role of Stella Kowalksi, a victim of physical abuse, in Tennessee Williams' "A Streetcar Named Desire." Stella denies her own complacence in an abusive relationship and defends her husband's assaults. Likewise, you doth protest too much--i.e. if actions do not follow your words, they are rendered completely useless. As a result, your boyfriend most likely sees no reason to change his behavior. You only perpetuate the crimes committed against you if you remain his partner despite his lies. If you really love this person and want to aid him, advise him to seek professional help for his apparent addiction. You'll both be better off as a result.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

About a week ago I got really drunk with a couple of friends. I started talking to the best friend of a guy I used to "hang out" with. He walked me home and I was all over him. I kept telling him that he was so cute and that I liked him. I kept asking him why he was talking to me because we weren't friends anymore and he told me it was because he cared about me. My friend and my brother were at my house and I really wanted them to get away from us. He and I went to the backyard and I really wanted to be with him. I had never had sex before and he knew that. I kept asking him if he would have sex with me. We ended up having sex, but since then, I haven't talked to him. I really like him, but I don't know what to do. I don't know if he doesn't like me or if he just thinks I was drunk and didn't mean all the things I said and did. What should I do?

-Confused

Dear Confused,

From your missive, Ms. Meniscus ascertains that you are certainly in tumultous turmoil over this matter. Ms. Meniscus will assume that you are an adult, one quite capable of making mature decisions. Clearly you yourself are already questioning the methodology of your conquest. Ms. Meniscus thereby chooses not to answer how to ascertain whether love is in the air with this fine fellow (though direct communication is always recommended), but rather, the matter of your self-respect and self-esteem. Afterall, we are past the Feminist Revolution; female assertion and ambition are wholeheartedly commended. At the same time, however, one must consider the importance of *self* when coming into contact with *other*--intersubjectivity, if you will. It's wonderful to desire or love another, but it's also important to maintain your sense of self, and thereby, a brand of power, in such an interchange. Check out Luce Iriguray's groundbreaking feminist text, "The Power of Discourse and the Subordination of the Feminine" if you desire more information on this matter. "R-E-S-P-E-C-T; find out what it means to me!" You can also turn to Aretha Franklin for relevant tenets.

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