Holding On and Letting Go

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have been close to my Mom all my life. She has been there for me when I have had some tough times, and has helped me raise my oldest child. I have always appreciated her help and advice but lately she has become very overbearing. She still treats me like a child! She tries to control my childrens lives and mine. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings? We have considered moving, but that would be last resort. Please help!

-Distressed Daughter

Dear Distressed Daughter,

Ms. Meniscus understands your plight. Many of us love and appreciate individuals but wish that they would realize that we are all free thinking people who can make decisions on our own. Even though some of us are incapable of doing so...but Ms. Meniscus digresses. She advises you to be forthcoming with your mother and believes that honesty is the key to progress on this front. If you are, as you say, close to your mother, moving away from her to escape her control problems is not the ideal solution, for both of you would be hurt. Sitting down with your mother and pointing out that you are a mature adult with sound ideas and capabilities is the first step in the process. If she continues to be overbearing, do not hesitate to inform her of her transgression. Cutting off contact should be a last resort.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I was recently dating a girl since she was a sophomore in high school,and now i'm a sophomore in college so its was about a 4 year relationship, but we broke up at the beginning of this past summer. she just graduated this past summer and now she has become a stripper to pay for her college, but the only thing is she doesn't go to college. She told me she hates doing it, but needs the money. i still love her and feel she's making bad post-high school decision. She was so prude and nice when we dated. she couldn't even get naked in front of me except when we where in the bedroom, with the lights off. She said she still loves me but not like she used too. is it possible for someone to change so drastically in 4 months? Why do i feel so used and down on myself? Is there any good way for me to forget this whole mess and move on with my life?

-Egotistical Eddie

Dear Egotistical Eddie,

The last question you pose, "Is there any way for me to move on with my life?" should be your directive, as this woman's affairs should not consume your existence. You mention that you used to date this woman, but have since broken up. What this woman chooses to do, or not do, is ultimately under her jurisdiction. She has told you that she is paying for her college education--whether that education is now or in the future or never, that, too, is up to her to decide. It bothers Ms. Meniscus that you characterize her as "nice and prudish" when you dated her, and moreover, that you clearly pass moral judgment on her decision. Why do *you* feel used? You might find stripping an unfortunate employment to pursue, but Ms. Meniscus is puzzled about the nature of your concern. You neither explicitly nor implicitly express love for her, and seem more interested in state of your ego, rather than supporting or helping your friend--if she is one.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I just became good friends with my crush....three years ago I was head over heals for this guy...but he was immature and we couldn't even be categorized as any type of friends. I moved on and fell in love and got married. My marriage ended quickly due to abuse. My crush saw me in a grocery store and told my best friend to tell me Hi and that he wanted to talk to me. We started talking and things seemed good..then he took back everything he said and said that we were just friends. He gets jealous about other guys, makes fun of them and all. He constantly picks on me and will sit near me. He shares my food, finds ways to touch me, and he will stare at me when im not looking. He laughs at all of my corney jokes and i talk to him everyday. A couple of weeks ago we met up at a club with friends and he walked past me and I waved and said "what you can't say Hi" and he replied you fixed your hair different, I didn't know it was you. We just became friends maybe a month ago and we act as though we have known each other forever. I really like this guy, but does he like me? Can you please help??? Im becoming frustrated but im still being patient

-Harangued Hair

Dear Harangued Hair,

From your description, it certainly sounds as if this fellow could be in the running for the potential partner category, though the detail offered concerning not recognizing you when you styled your hair differently is, admittedly, curious, as is his not-so-discreet notation that the two of you are merely friends. He is clearly a confused chap. Ms. Meniscus advises you to directly approach this fine fellow and ask him whether he'd like to accompany you to somewhere romantic, effusive, sentimental, exciting, nostalgic...she presumes you receive her drift. The holiday season is perfect for this type of outing; joy and good will are in the air (especially in Washington D.C.), New Year's Eve approaches, sledding and skating are conceivable (unless you reside in a warmer climates)--in other words, love is in the air and anything is possible. Feelings clarified now rather than later will enable both parties to move on in whatever direction is best.

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