Contact

This week's column is dedicated to contact of the human kind. Dedicated to the friendships, loves, and connections forged here and there that make life worth living.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I just broke up with my boyfriend due to religious differences. We have been dating for a year and a half now. I know unless things change, we can't be together in the future, so it breaks my heart knowing I have to end it sooner than later. I can't stop thinking about him and we both want to get back together. I know I can't but I don't know how to handle this situation. We are best friends and our lives without each other are empty. What should we do?

-Maria

Dear Maria,

Ah, my friend, this is an age old question--one over which many wars have been fought, about which many missives have been written. Ms. Meniscus supposes that the ultimate question is whether you yourself are imposing this moral code, or whether others are requiring you to adhere to it. You write that "unless things change," your relationship cannot continue. What is both wonderful and horrible is that you must decide for yourself whether or not to pursue the relationship. If you are best friends and fulfill each other in every way, perhaps compromises can be made and amendments forged. In the meantime, enjoy each other. It is not often in life that one finds such joy in a partner; please do not abandon it in the name of divisive forces.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My sister has appointed me Maid of Honor at her wedding, which is in 5 weeks. In the meantime she has been nothing but demanding and ungracious to everyone including my parents, her friends, and myself. I am supposed to throw her a bridal shower, but she refuses to let me plan it, she is furnishing the details herself and expects me to pay. With her behavior, I would like to cancel it. I am fearful that this will escalate to her dismissing me from the wedding and ultimately destroy whats left of our relationship. How should I handle this?

-Wanda

Dear Wanda,

Ms. Meniscus feels your pain. For whatever reason, brides-to-be often end up obsessed with the most minute details of their weddings--from what the waiters will be wearing at the event, to the length of the stems in the table floral arrangements, to the bartender's shoes. Unfortunately, this tunnel vision extends to the pre-wedding festivities, including the bridal shower. Ms. Meniscus advises you to be upfront with your sister about the event; let her know that since you're hosting the soiree, you'll be planning it--not her. If she persists in hanging you out to dry, inform her that another friend or family member will have to play hostess at the shower. You are astute in acknowledging that this action may indeed have repercussions, but it's a question of what is more important--you becoming a doormat for now and forever, or attempting to improve your relationship with your sister through being honest and forthcoming.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We don't live in the same city, but we love each other. We see each other often. I am deeply in love with him, and very attracted to him. we've just started having sex about 3 months ago. It just seems like every since we've started, all we do now is argue. We scream, and yell at each other. sometimes I am scared of him. I feel like nothing I say or do is ever good enough now. what should I do to help repair our relationship? I love this man, and i want to be with him. I almost had his baby. I love him, and I want his baby.

-Steinem

Dear Steinem,

Ms. Meniscus can appreciate the difficulty a long distance relationship entails. Sometimes distance breeds stress. Ms. Meniscus can also appreciate that you love this individual and desire interminable contact with him. However, you yourself point out that the strife in your virtual volcano of love seemed to begin erupting after your forays in the bedroom. Perhaps this is relevant; perhaps not. Only you can judge. But Ms. Meniscus advises that if your interactions consist of verbal abuse, and moreover, if you fear this man, at the very least, the relationship needs time off--if not permanent time off. If either of the aforementioned options are not agreeable to you, Ms. Meniscus recommends that you attempt to speak honestly and thoughtfully to your partner regarding the perceived stressful situation. Perhaps he is concerned, as well; perhaps he'd rather watch reruns of Baywatch on TV than listen to your concerns. Either way, you will better grasp "where [he's] calling from," in the words of Raymond Carver. Believe Ms. Meniscus that a wonderful relationship includes neither fear, verbal attacks, nor low self esteem.

Have a question for Ms. Meniscus? Submit it below. She looks forward to hearing from you!