Lies, Sex, and Moving

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm lying a lot to my doctor. I've got this whole scenario I play out with him for my monthly visit. I rehearse it before I get there. It's a combination of trying to please him, I know, but also I know where his buttons are and when I push them I feel better. He doesn't have a clue. Is this as bad as I think it is? I feel very guilty a half an hour after I leave and I feel horrible for at least a week afterwards. But then two weeks later I'm planning what I'm going to tell him on my next visit. All lies. But, and I mean it, when I'm in his office telling him how well I'm doing, it is not a lie. I feel great. I mean I feel incredible. No pain. No pain at all. He can poke and prod all he wants. No pain. I tell him I'm only taking half the meds he has prescribed because I'm doing so well. And I believe it, and I tell myself that I really will take only half the meds this month. Am I going off the deep end, or is this OK? There is really nobody else i can talk to about this.

-Pinocchio

Dear Pinocchio,

First, Ms. Meniscus assures you that you are not "going off the deep end" with your dilemma, though she will also note frankly and straightforwardly that lying to your doctor is never a good idea. Ms. Meniscus understands your desire to present yourself as healthier than you really are in your day to day reality.

All of us lie at some time or another about our bodies and our health, whether it's wanting to be sick to miss school or wanting to be healthy to play kickball like the other kids or kickboxing like the other adults. That's perfectly normal. However, a doctor is a doctor. A doctor can only function appropriately and helpfully if she/he receives accurate feedback from patients. A doctor is not your friend, and inherent in this truth is the fact that her/his treatment of you does not hinge on how well you've responded to her/his care in the past, or how healthy you seem on a particular visit. Doctors can only assist you in the best possible way if you are 100% honest with them about your condition, about the amount of medicine you're taking, about what hurts and what doesn't. To concoct an elaborately structured ruse to avoid confronting your true condition is understandable, but genuinely bad. Making your arthritis go away in fiction only worsens it in reality.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

The boy I've known for 9yrs. has had a girl for 1yr & 5mo. And I've been in love with him since the first day I met him, but if I tell him how I feel I'm afraid that we'll grow farther apart then what we already are since he's had this girlfriend....& she's my "best-friend". She doesn't really treat him all that great, there are days where she does but other days not. He's also been skipping school a lot lately and says that the only reason he does it anymore is because he has no friends (he does though). I think it's his girlfriend's fault because he can't go nowhere or do anything without her-- other wise she gets pissed off. She's got him wrapped around her finger. How can I tell him that I want him & that I'm in love with him without us growing apart & to tell him that he needs to break up with her. He thinks that he loves her but I honestly don't think he does!

-Lost in the Love Triangle

Dear Lost in the Love Triangle,

Ms. Meniscus suggests that you figure out and clarify your loyalties. You are in love with the boy. You are his girlfriend's best friend. You assert that his girlfriend (again, your best friend) is a corruptive force on this impeccable individual--that she controls his every move to the extent that she coerces him to skip school, that she treats him poorly and that he is entirely ignorant and negligent--blind you say! simply blind!--to these subversive shenanigans. Well, my friend, though Ms. Meniscus can appreciate your pining for this boy, it sounds as if 1) he is completely content with his current amour, even if you think otherwise, and 2) even if he is somewhat displease with certain aspects of his relationship, it is he who should realize the "truth," without you stepping in to inform him of it. If you continue to feel frustrated by your perpetual position on the outskirts of the love triangle, give yourself some distance from both of them. You'll probably find interest and intrigue with other clasmates without the rejection.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I am 16 years of age and I think I am in love. There is a small problem: he moves a lot and I do also and during one of our moves we moved at the same time and so now I have no idea how to get ahold of him. Now I know you are probably thinking, if you are in love then how do you lose touch? Well, we were never going out. We have been best frinds since we were 11 or 12 and we spent every day together until we moved. Even then he used to come over and stay the weekend at my house. I even lost my virginity to him one of the times he spent the night. I have always wanted to be more than friends with him-- I just never knew how to tell him. And now he moved and I don't know where to or his new phone number so I have no clue how I can get ahold of him. Please help me! I really love him! And I do not want lose him forever! Thank you for your time and I hope you are able to help me.

-When Harry Met Sally...and Harry Moved Away

Dear When Harry Met Sally...and Harry Moved Away,

In the movies, when two individuals love each other intensely but have never dared to express their feelings, and then one of the fated lovers moves away, the outcome is always one of drama, relief, and pink hearts circling the united couple's heads with fairy dust. One individual drives cross country or circumnavigates the globe in order to catch up with his/her partner, at which point true bliss emanates from every corner. It would be nice, Ms. Meniscus posits, if this fiction represented truth. However, your situation differs from the scenario described above. You note several relevant factors: that you love him, that you lost your virginity to him, that you need to know his current whereabouts. You also remark that you always desired more than friendship, but never knew how to convey this (sexual liason notwithstanding?). People do indeed move, and sometimes there may be confusion as to exact address or contact information until they are firmly situated in a new environment. However, the fact that this potential love of your life gave you no general forwarding address, or even a vague idea of in what hemisphere he might be found, is rather suspicious, and rather pointed. Ms. Meniscus suggests that unless he makes the effort to contact you, you should *move* on in spirit and try to forget the ignorant fellow.

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