A Streetcar Named Desire

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have just moved home for the summer from college and my parents won't let me be. They assume that I party and drink and smoke all of the time, and that when I am cranky it's because I'm not doing one of the above three. I don't party and drink and smoke anymore than the normal college student, so it really bothers me when they say that they will pull me out of school and send me to the marines. Hopefully you can give some advice that will get me through the summer, thanks for listening.

-Repressed in Remington

Dear Repressed in Remington,

Ah, the college years. Ms. Meniscus remembers them fondly. It seems like just the other day that she was attending the Tower Court meat mark--but she digresses. It is quite a common dilemma to enjoy the freedom of college during the academic year and then feel frustrated having to report to parents and follow rules at home. Ms. Meniscus sympathizes with you that your parents regularly threaten Marines send-off. The only combatant for their perception of you as a misanthrope in their abode is demonstration of good citizenship--i.e. good grades, friendly countenance, general humanitarian efforts. Once they see that their assumption of wayward, errant behavior was off-base, perhaps they'll relax. Here's hopin'...

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

i've always wanted a dog but my mam and dad keep saying no. i've tried persuading them and writing them letters but they just chuck them away.the problem is they don't think i'm responsible enough but i am and would take care of a dog so do you have any ideas on how i could persuade them coz i really really love dogs and have always wanted a golden retriever please could you put my story on your page. i'm nearly 13 and am responsible to get a dog.

-Dogless in Darien

Dear Dogless in Darien,

Perhaps you should speak to Creak and get his opinion on dog ownership. But seriously, folks...A dog is a big responsibility. Most dogs are not as independent as Creak, confronting arthritis head-on and writing their own web columns. Most dogs require constant care. If a dog isn't eating, perhaps it's chewing on a slipper, or running away, or chasing a squirrel, or availing itself of the fictional facilities on the living room carpet. Even so, Ms. Meniscus understands that dogs are wonderful beings; afterall, she almost veers off the road every time she drives by the labrador-littered lawn of a breeder down the street. If writing persuasive letters to your parents does not seem to do the trick, perhaps consider asking them for a much smaller, less arduous pet, such as a fish, or a platypus. Then, you can demonstrate your exceptional caregiving skills, your sense of responsibility, and your great, infectious love for all animals in general. After this moving display, maybe your parents will consider a fine canine.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I am 17 years old and my boyfriend is always beating on me. He is always cheating on me and calling me names. I tried to leave him but he put me in the hospital for 3 weeks and said if I tell anyone that he will kill my mother who is very sick with cancer. Please tell me what to do i'm so afraid.

-Serious in Seattle

Dear Serious in Seattle,

You are 100% right in seeking help for your situation. You sound like a very strong, intelligent person who is endeavoring to the best you can in your predicament. Your instinct to leave your boyfriend and the abusive relationship is definitely a good one that Ms. Meniscus heralds and supports. But the fact that your boyfriend physically hurts you to the extent that you have been hospitalized, in addition to his threats to kill your mother, is exremely serious and should be dealt with immediately by people who have more authority and power than Ms. Meniscus on creakyjoints. Ms. Meniscus realizes that your situation is very volatile. However, it is important to take action before you are hurt further and/or the abuse escalates. Please, consider apprising the police of your situation. If you do not feel comfortable doing that yourself, make sure you speak to someone you trust, who is local and can help you, directly and honestly about the situation. Perhaps that person(s) can then tell law enforcement about your case. Be sure to have allies who can aid you in combatting this horrible person; no matter what, do not go it alone. Ms. Meniscus hopes this helps a bit and entreats you to seek further assistance.

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