Friend or Foe, We Want to Know

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have a very good friend--we would walk together every day and have dinner at least three times a week. Her dog died in Feb 2003 and now has a new boyfriend. Lately she has been making plans with me than blowing me off. It got to the point that I confronted her with the problem and she acted like it wasn't true. When her boyfriend is not over she will stop by when she feels like it. Her new boyfirend told her he does not care for me, and I told her I feel the same way about him. She has been dating him for only 5 months; meanwhile I've known her for 2 1/2 years. Last week I ran into him in the parking lot. I went to say hello to him and he turned his head away from me and acted like he did not see me. He then told her I was the one that turned my head and did not say hello. I told her this is not true and that I would never lie to her. She then told me she confronted him about this and maybe he was wrong. I told her I would dump anyone that did that to one of my friends. I care about our relationship but I do not know how much more this I can put up with anymore.

-Parking in Padua

Dear Parking in Padua,

From the beginning of time, dead dogs with new boyfriends have been extremely problematic-- *especially* dead dogs that won't acknowledge parking lot sightings. But seriously, folks...

Ms. Meniscus apologizes for her tongue in cheekyness. O the humor and ingenue. Let us begin again. From the beginning of time, romance with some and friendship with others have not mixed well. Just as if I ordered fish at a restaurant and you asked me what sort of *red* wine I'd prefer--the dismay! the disappointment! the anger that would follow!--these things are at odds and sometimes cannot coexist peacefully. In other words, sometimes the friend is the needed white wine, but the significant other is the available red wine, and well, one is passed up in favor of the other, feelings are hurt, bitterness ensues because fish and red wine are not the sharpest couple in the shed, and little progress is made in the universe. You and your friend could pick up a copy of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," or a copy of Hillary Clinton's White House memoirs, or a copy of Judy Blume's "Just as Long as We're Together" to read about various sticky situations compatriots, classmates, and lovers encounter in life, and perhaps some insight would be gained. In the meantime, if your friend prefers to believe her "I don't acknowledge people in the parking lot when I see them" guy, and her guy doesn't acknowledge people in the parking lot when he sees them, even if they're friendly to him and look at him and say hello and aren't averse to conversation on existentialism and Sartre and Beauvoir, then Ms. Meniscus proposes that it's time to establish some distance. Perhaps your friend will realize her wayward ways, and, having isolated the problem, rectify it. Perhaps not. But either way, you will establish some important ground rules of respect in the friendship.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have a problem. I have liked my boyfriend for 4 years and I have gone out with him in the past but I never kissed him. Well one night last week I went to the movies with my boyfriend and some other friends. well for the first time I made out with him and he was the worst kisser ever. but I dont know what to do because I really like him. I can tell him anything and everything, he's really cute, he's so funny, and he is smart. We just fit together. I dont know what to do about his bad kissing habbits. he probably thinks i stink at kissing now because he really didn't give me anything to work with. What should I do about his horrible kissing?

-Kissed in Canarsie

Dear Kissed in Canarsie,

So was this kiss at a drive-in? Was it a la Annette and Frankie in one of their beach blanket bingo movies? Was it similar to the scene in 'Grease' with Sandy and Danny? Girlfriend, or boyfriend, as the case may be, if your man is seriously lacking in the kissing department, just walk away, honey. It is completely irrelevant that he is kind, smart, cute, funny, and generally perfect beyond words. It does not matter that you've liked this fine specimen of a male for four years of your life. If he can't kiss, he's a LOSER. Know it now and know it well, child. That said, the first time you rode a bicycle, was it perfect? The first time you played Chinese Jump Rope, did you get to level six? The first time you swam, could you swim the 100 Butterly in under fifty seconds? The first time you read a book, was it Semiology by Roland Barthes? Maybe, peaches, but Ms. Meniscus thinks not. In other words, give him a chance. Practice makes perfect, and kissing is an art, not an innate, inherent talent that most people possess. Afterall, you yourself worry that *he* is probably now of the opinion that your kissing ability is sub-standard; just think how he would feel if he knew you had turned to Ms. Meniscus regarding his lack of kissing finesse. Work with him. See what he's got. Bush didn't give up hope after an entire war was fought on the grounds that a country had clandestine weapons of mass destruction and no weapons of mass destruction were ever found; so too should you persevere.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I might be missing the obvious here, but aren't the drugs supposed to stop the pain? My current drugs have brought me to a much better level, but I'm still in pain. Is it unreasonable to think I will ever live without pain given the 'right' medication?

-Down in Denell

Dear Down in Denell,

It is NOT unreasonable to think that you'll get a chance to live without pain, given the appropriate medication. You're right to question and challenge the system, as it's always important to take an active, interested role in your own health. Unfortunately, drugs don't always stop pain. While they might alleviate some of it, taking away biting, gnawing, perpetual discomfort, there are no guarantees regarding how much pain they'll negate or improve. Although this pronouncement might not offer much comfort, time will tell in terms of what is best for you. It might be that your dosage needs to change; it might be that you would respond better to a different drug; and it might be that the future will bring one that will significantly improve your quality of life. In the meantime, do not despair. Ms. Meniscus appreciates your inquiry and admires your perseverance.

Have a question for Ms. Meniscus? Submit it below. She looks forward to hearing from you!