Lose Boyfriend? Lose Fiancee? Lose Weight?

The following query represents about 6,000 others along the same line. The basic answer is: Women, walk away, and walk away fast, with self-respect. But read on for details.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend and I just recently broke up, not my choice, after being together for a year. We lived together for four months and then things just started changing. I can't see myself with anyone else but him. All he does is reject meand hits on all of my friends now. He calls my best friend but he swears that

they are just friends. The break up is killing me but it's not doing anything to him. He acts like he got right over it. I still want to be with him and he acts like he still wants to be with me sometimes. He worries about what guys I'm around and asks details about everything. What do I do to get over him or get

him back?

-Unsure in Ulster

Dear Unsure in Ulster,

Your last question is curious, as it conveys the fact that you're really not sure whether to get rid of him or try to retain him. Ms. Meniscus advises strongly that your first inclination is the right one. Though it is definitely difficult to be so emotionally close with someone and then move on, sometimes it is necessary for survival. You don't have to belt out Gloria Gaynor disco to assert yourself and send the message to him that you don't need someone so disrespectful and disinterested in your life. Hop on the bus, Gus. It's time to get some distance.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My 10 year old son is a little heavy. He takes adderall for ADHD, so he gets regular check ups with his doctor. His doctor has said NOTHING aout it being a problem. A woman I know gave me a piece of paper with information about a clinic for overweight and underactive children. It hurt my feelings and really made me mad. I've NEVER talked to her about this and I think she is being nosy and overstepping her bounds. How should I deal with this?

-Irate in Iberia

Dear Irate in Iberia,

The next time you see this woman, hand her a piece of paper for invasive and obnoxious adults needing to seek psychiatric help. That should remedy the situation entirely--she'll get your drift, apologize profusely for her nosy rudeness, and beg your forgiveness. On another planet, that is.

Unfortunately, many insecure people feel the need to point out what they perceive to be problems in others. If this woman never brings it up again, simply and cheerfully ignore it (and maybe her, if you can). If you see her and she brings up whether you read and approved of her "helpful" hints, then you can use that opportunity to say that no, you hadn't read the material, because you knew that it was unwarranted and if she had known that she was overstepping the etiquette of acquaintance, she never would have offered the literature. Then smile and say, thanks anyway, dollface!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have recently become the centre of a, potentially, very messy love triangle. I am engaged to a girl that I have been going out with for five years but recently a good friend, who I have a great deal of respect for, confessed feelings for me. We were both very drunk and I have no doubt that she would never have said anything if we had been sober. Because this new love is fresh and young it is very difficult to see any flaws in this new person - though as friends we got on really well. Conversely because I have been with my fiancee so long I can think of a number of faults but I have lost my sense of perspective so I'm having

trouble figuring out whether they are "deal breakers" or not. I do care for my fiancee but we have a very unequal relationship - I am strongly dominant -whereas I would prefer a more equal partner. One of the most difficult things for me is that my fiancee trusts me and loves me absolutely. Who should I

choose? I would love any advice you can give.

-Triangled in Texas

Dear Triangled in Texas,

Ms. Meniscus observes that you characterize your friend's confession as "new love" that is "fresh and young." Though you note that these factors might cause blindness, it is disturbing that the friend's admission is already in the category of mutual love. Every individual on Earth has faults, as do you. You might heed Cassius' argument for human responsibility in Julius Caesar--"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings." It is probably more sensible to consider whether or not you are truly in love with your fiancee, instead of engaging in a contest of which woman has fewer flaws to your flawed perception. If your fiancee and the prospect of marriage now only represents a "deal breaker" in your mind, Ms. Meniscus advises you to end the engagement, as it is an abuse of your partner's feelings and love.

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