Carpe Diem

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend introduced me to his best friend and I believe the friend likes me but I am not sure. How can you tell when a guy likes you? I thought the guy was cute and he has a horse and his own farm, so I kinda told my boyfriend that I thought he was cute and now my boyfriend tells me that this other guy thinks I'm pretty. What do I do?

-Horsing Around

Dear Horsing Around,

Once one is aware that a future love interest has a horse and his own farm, let no holds be barred. Has this handsome horse wonder shared his milkshake with you? Has he passed discreet notes to you in Home Ec. Class? Have you asked him to the Sadie Hawkins dance? Has he entreated you to boogey with him to Tiffany's Greatest Hits? If the answer to any of the aforementioned questions is affirmative, then you know your answer: he's the boy for you as jelly is the girl for peanut butter. In the meantime, however, Ms. Meniscus is rather confused. Your boyfriend is the means through which this newfound attraction on both ends is conveyed? It might be just to your boyfriend to exempt him from his duties as conduit and, perhaps even let him know that your mind is on property owning friends of his.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm having a serious problem. My mother and my grandfather have been verbally battering me for the past year. This has been due to many things such as me losing my college scholarship, me moving to Montana (which is across country from my family), and me dating a African American. I have tried to explain to them that the reason why I lost my scholarship was because of a series of events- such as, during midterms I suffered through a miscarriage, a rape, and then a bout with tuberculosis. They keep telling me that it was all my fault and that I am a failure. This I know is not true. After I lost my scholarship, I moved to Montana to get away from their unannounced arrivals and constant criticism of my life, in particular their constant thoughts on how I'm a failure and just pitying myself and that I don't love them because I moved away. What can I do? How can I make them understand that I didn't just drop out of school because it was too hard or I wanted to fool around? And ultimately that I am a grown woman and I don't need discourteous remarks about me or my boyfriend's race?

-Montana and Loving It

Dear Montana and Loving It,

Unfortunately, many people think it is their right as family members to treat their relatives however they want. They have the horrifically out of line notion that because they are related, their opinions automatically matter and are automatically correct. Neither assumption is accurate. It sounds as if you've experienced very serious mishaps, and Ms. Meniscus heralds your determination to move on with your life. It also sounds as if distance from your family is important, especially given their constant criticism and verbal abuse. Unfortunately, you are right that you are a grown woman, and it is your right to date whomever you choose. Ms. Meniscus advises you to convey in plain and simple language, whether verbally or in writing, that you will not tolerate their treatment of you and if they desire a relationship with you, they will amend their ways. If their verbal abuse continues, the last recourse is to cut off contact and refuse to engage in conversations that are negative and destructive. Although this is not ideal short-term, in the long run it may be the only thing that saves the relationship.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have been dating this man for 1.5 years but know him four 4. We recently broke up in November because he said I was too selfish in the relationship. He has a communication problem so I never knew that I neglected him the way he said. I had to leave for business the day after we broke up for 1 month so we never took the time to discuss the breakup. I returned home from my trip and it felt like it was the day after again. The pain was not as bad or strong or even noticeable on him anymore. I've exhausted every solution to get him back. That means begging, and pleading, crying. We came to an agreement that we would just date. Neither of us would date other people except one another. However our new arrangement would mean no sleeping at each others houses. I asked if we could touch each other when we would go out on dates and he said of course it depends on how we feel at that moment. He said he loves being with me and this is how it has to be right now. He can't go back to the way it was right away. I'm naturally devastated because I'm so much more aware of his needs and I want to make things right. I want to go back to the way we were right away. I feel like he cares about his freedom and his new found friends. I don't think he will want to fall back into the comfortness of "us" Should I just let him go completely like my mind says to do. I'm soooo devastated. Even feeling obsessed. On top of this. we did not spend any part of the holidays together until the 1 of Jan. When I barged into his house and demanded an explanation for the way he was acting. It was after a weekend of crying that we finally came to the agreement mentioned above. I think I know this solution "dating" is a set up for more pain, even disaster. I just want to be with him that I'm willing to except this. Please help!

-Rules of Engagement

Dear Rules of Engagement,

It seems as if he has decreed: I'm rubber, you're glue, and whatever bounces off me, sticks to you. That is, he broke up with you, seems to relish control of your current relationship and revel in coolly going about his business, and leaves you with the emotional/physical longings and desires. If this is the way you see yourself enjoying your time, then continue participating in the relationship. If you want to effect change, then speak to him directly and address the problems. If he must mandate the way the relationship works and you don't really have a say in it at all, then that should tell you something. Sometimes a salad without dressing is better than a salad with fat-free dressing, if catch Ms. Meniscus' drift.

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