Date Woebegone Days

Though Ms. Meniscus is happy to answer questions of all race, religion, sexual orientation, ethnicity, and creed, she sends a call out for questions pertaining to a) arthritis, and b)the potential amendment to the constitution (the ban of gay marriage, in case anyone has been living in a closet). Arthritis is, after all, what this website is about first and foremost, and regarding the amendment to the constitution, Ms. Meniscus may have her spectacles on a bit crookedly, but she knows that a constitutional amendment (especially one that denies rights to an important part of our population) is rather scary. Let's address it! So, send your missives...

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend of 36 and I are supposed to be buying a house together in New Zealand, he lives there currently and I live in London. The problem is we row on the phone and I find it very hard because we are apart, we row mostly that he isn't making enough effort, he rings once a week maybe, I used to text him and ring all the time but don't now as I feel that it is unrequited, however when we do talk he tells me that he loves me and misses me at the end of each call! He has some money from the sale of a house in England which he will be using to buy our house with in NZ, I wanted to have a chat with him two months ago about this as I feared we would argue about it and thought we should be grown up about it, he didn't want to discuss it then (at this time I hadn't handed my notice in at work), 2 months have gone by and I have now handed my notice in which he knows and he calls to say that he wants me to sign a document stating that I wouldn't take his money, I was angry, not for the fact that he wants to protect his money but because he's done this now after handing my notice in and after he didn't want to discuss it ages ago! We had a row on the phone about it and my mum stepped in as I was very upset, it was a culmination of all the times I feel he has let me down, he's protecting himself against every eventuality while I am taking all the risks! He told my mum on the phone a dozen times how much he loved me! We left the conversation on speaking terms but he said I'll speak to you soon! I was upset about the call and did not want him thinking that I would take his money so I text him saying look I understand where you are coming from and we need to talk, I heard nothing, so I e-mailed him saying again I understood and we need to talk, he e-mailed back saying he does trust me and he does love me despite everything and put a few kisses on the bottom. That was it I have heard nothing since for over a week. I text him again yesterday saying look let me know when it is possible to call (time difference etc.) and still nothing. I am getting angrier by the second as he has a habit of ignoring me on occasion but this is no time to be doing that, he knows I have handed my notice in. what should I do?

-Left in London

Dear Left in London,

Oh, dear. Ms. Meniscus hates to suggest this, but it sounds as if your would-be Romeo is no Heathcliff. From the episodes you've presented, it seems that he chooses to contact you when it's most convenient for him and does not give a cheerio about your anxiety concerning your job as long as you've signed what is essentially a prenuptial agreement. If you cannot count on him giving a cheerio when you are about to move in together--a period of time one would hope to have a dependable, responsible, reliable, and kind partner--- perhaps it is not kismet for you two. You deserve someone who gives you attention and does not frame his affection for you by saying that he loves you "despite everything." Ms. Meniscus' advice is to give HIM your notice, and try to get your job back. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and many of them feel that reciprocation is an important aspect of a relationship. Try for one of those.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I am 17 years old and I have NEVER had any sort of date. Though I am physically challenged, I am very nice and caring. Is there something wrong with me or is there something wrong with the boys?

-Doubtful in Dubai

Dear Doubtful in Dubai,

Ms. Meniscus' initial, automatic reaction is that there is definitely something wrong with the boys. Afterall, that's an easy one! Especially during adolescence, boys are not the brightest tools in the shed. They can be heartless, ignorant, mean, petty--as can girls, at times, but Ms. Meniscus is sure there is nothing "wrong" with you. That said, you are not 94, but 17; many people do not begin dating until they are much older, for many different reasons. One of your reasons could be that all the boys around you are deficient in some way. If you really fancy a young man in particular, talk to him. Find out what movie he wanted to win Best Picture at the Oscars. Find out what he thought of Liv Tyler's asymmetrical hairdo. In other words, just strike up a conversation; it might work wonders. In the meantime, please do Ms. M a favor and do not equate the state of datelessness with your own self-worth. The two are not correlatives!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I totally fail to understand my boyfriend. We met for the first time on 25th dec & he asked me out on the 26th.I agreed. I blurted out all my family problems to him. We got physical within 5 days of our relationship (not sex but kissing & hugging).We've just completed our one month, and suddenly something happened to him. He has totally stopped giving me time. He asked me for sex but I refused because we're too young for that. To this he said fine but he'll make out with someone else, a prostitute maybe. Today when I called him on the phone, he told me that he is dating his old friend "just for fun". When I asked him does he want to call it off? he said no, he doesn't.and he won't allow me either to call it off. now I'm very confused about his intentions. What is he up to??

-Blind in Boise

Dear Blind in Boise,

Ms. Meniscus hates to say this, but she doesn't think your "boyfriend" and his intentions are that ambiguous. It sounds as if once he concluded that sex could not be obtained from you, he went elsewhere to satisfy this desire. He is no longer your boyfriend if any one of the following factors is true: he claims he'll go elsewhere for his kisses; he claims he's dating other people for kicks; he claims that he is the one in control. But wait--all of the above are true! And not only that, but he's suggested he'll see a prostitute. These may be subtle clues, dear, but they are clues, that you should have nothing to do with this person. Please do not be confused. Please do not contemplate his actions. Just walk away, and fast. Tell him to talk to the hand (you can say Ms. Meniscus *allows* you to offer up this gesture) and be done with him.

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