"My relatives are ingrates!", "My roommate cannot think on her own!" and "My boyfriend needs a housekeeper!"

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My husband has a 9 year old niece and a 6 year old nephew. Every time I purchase a gift for them they are never happy with it. They will say something like, "I wanted 5 Gameboy games, you only got me one! Where are the other 4?" Or they will say, "I don't wear clothes from Target, only from The Gap, where is the receipt?" This year for Christmas I got them $25 gift certificates to Toys R' Us to buy their own gifts and they said, "We can't buy anything good for $25, you should have given us more money." ||Now, I spoke with my sister-in-law several times about her children's reaction to gifts they are given and she said, "Well, kids are very honest," and is fine with their behavior. My husband said his sister has spoiled them rotten and now they don't appreciate anything so we should only give them cards with no gifts at all. But I feel bad not giving a gift at all. What should I do?

-Rejected in Rotterdam

Dear Rejected ,

These kids sound horrendous. Ms. Meniscus advises that next gift-giving occasion you present a hefty lump of coal with the suggestion that they go diamond-mining with it. But seriously, folks...Perhaps your husband could speak with his sister directly about the kids' lack of gratitude. If she does not see anything wrong with their rude behavior and does not address it with them, it is then at your discretion whether to give them anything at all. Ms. Meniscus has no problem giving someone just a card, or even nothing at all, if the recipient has a history of rudeness and is not grateful for the effort made in procuring a gift. Perhaps eventually the kids will get the message that they receive nothing at all if they behave inappropriately. Alternatively, you could always contact the Creaky Joints office for some great gift-giving ideas; Ms. Meniscus hears kids are simply wild for thera-bands and soda coolies these days.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I recently moved in with my friend. We were both single at the time, but she has since acquired a boyfriend. He stays at our apartment every night and I never get to spend time alone with my roommate. The problem is, my other friends are refusing to visit me at my apartment because my roommate and her boyfriend cannot keep their hands off each other. They follow each other to the bathroom, they take the trash out together. It's plain annoying! How do I tell her that her behavior is irritating? I signed up for a roommate, not a roommate attached at the hip to her boyfriend.

-Alone in Albany

Dear Alone ,

How many people do you know who have perfect roommates? Ms. Meniscus is willing to bet that the answer is close to zero. The reality is that it is difficult living with a person in close quarters even under the best of circumstances, and when extenuating circumstances are thrown in--a smelly ferret, a propensity to chew corn nuts or print papers at 3 am during the week, a tendency to invite greasy-haired boyfriends from Rochester every weekend and displace the apartment's inhabitants--but I digress--the situation can become quite ugly. The best solution is always to communicate clearly and tactfully your concerns. Perhaps you and your roommate could set aside some roomie bonding time each week. Perhaps the boyfriend could acquire enough self-esteem so that he can visit the john by his lonesome. Perhaps your roommate can learn how to take out the trash by herself; independence is liberating! Whatever happens, be direct and diplomatic; remember Churchill--Equanimity, my friend.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend of 30 is a very busy person. He is 30 years old, works full time for an excellent company and is finishing his MBA at night. This is his last semester and he is extremely overwhelmed. I on the other hand already finished school and most of my afternoons are free. The problem is he blames me for not supporting him with cleaning his apartment and or having food ready for him when he gets home. He believes I should be more supportive since everything he is doing is for our future. However, we don't live together nor do I stay over his apartment. So you see I have a problem with the idea of cleaning "his" mess. I have in the past helped him clean and I have at times cooked for him, when I don't I always make sure he's had dinner by inviting him over my house. I wasn't to please him, since I understand his argument and want him to be happy and successful, I just don't see why it's my responsibility to those things, since the only commitment we have is a is savings account we opened recently. Look forward to hearing your advice.

-Flummixed in Philly

Dear Flummixed,

Sweetheart, if your boyfriend is already criticizing you for not cleaning up his mess when you maintain separate residences, and don't even live together, Houston, we have a problem. The key to a successful and happy relationship (at least in Ms. M's book) is an equal one, a partnership in all aspects. Your boyfriend may be busy, but that is his choice, and if he chooses not to clean up his dishes or cook at the end of his day, that is his choice as well. Similarly, it is entirely up to you how you dedicate your time. Just because he is employed and attending school does not deem you the automatic housekeeper. It sounds as if your boyfriend needs a reality check; it is one thing for people to support one another but quite another matter for individuals to expect maid service.

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