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Aches and Pains, Physical and Emotional
Dear Ms. Meniscus,
I AM HAVING ALOT OF NERVE & MUSCLE PROBLEMS BECAUSE MY BACK IN SUCH BAD SHAPE.HOW COME EVERY TIME I MOVE MY BACK CREAKS OR POPS A NUMBER OF TIMES. I DO HAVE OSTEOARTHRITIS BUT IN THE BACK TOO, THAT COULD LEAD TO PROBLEMS.
-Back Ache in Bora Bora
Dear Back Ache,
Unfortunately, Ms. Meniscus cannot examine your back creaks in order to determine their origin and cause, because she is not there with you. More importantly, in addition, Ms. Meniscus is not Dr. Meniscus, so she is really not qualified to assess your medical condition, although she without a doubt sympathizes with you and wishes you a life without creaks and pains. The best advice she can give is to consult a physician. One would hope that your rheumatologist could advise you on your health concern, perhaps prescribing a particular mode of therapy or medicine. Good luck!
Dear Ms. Meniscus,
My fiancˇ just broke up with me 3 weeks ago...of course he still wants to be friends, we were best friends before...well when he broke up with me he said it was because he hasn't lived a college life...we've been together for 4 years and so that is true. He also told me that he "loves me" but is not "in love with me". What the heck does that mean? This all happened a week after we met with a wedding coordinator. I am going on with my life right now, not dating or anything, just focusing on me and school. Everyone (even his friends) didn't see it coming and they can't even figure him out. I know because I talk with them, I was actually calling most of then to make sure I could stay in touch....he didn't tell anyone. Do you think it was cold feet, or that he really doesn't love me? I love him so much, so I can't even think clearly right now. Oh yeah....everyone says....he'll be back, not that I am going to wait for that, but is that even likely? And what should I do if that happens I have learned a lot and I admit we were both immature, but we were immature together and couldn't seem to grow out of it...maybe now we can and then we will be "grown ups" the "second time around"...I would just appreciate your thoughts on this one as an objective person.
-Rejected in Raleigh
Dear Rejected,
Ms. Meniscus advises you not to count your chickens before they hatch. In other words, she would not assume that this feckless youth will be back on your doorstep. If he has been in close proximity to the altar and has declared that he loves you (read: as a good friend) but is not in love with you (read: as a life partner), then chances are that he meant those unfortunate sentiments. Life would be easy if everyone we loved simply loved us back, but it does not work that way. We must deal with rejection, for various reasons. Ms. Meniscus cannot say for sure what the ultimate outcome will be for you, of course, but her best advice is to continue what you're doing--proceeding with your life and with school and living to the best of your ability. Enjoy your youth. And wear sunscreen.
Dear Ms. Meniscus,
I have been with my boyfriend for half a year and although we love each other dearly, there have been numerous times where we bicker and fight on each other's standing points. In fact, he's temperamental and quick to judge others' perspectives without first clearly understanding their opinions count evenly as his. It angers me that I question whether or not he truly respects me. Often, he says he does, but his actions prove otherwise. There have been occasions where hurtful words were said, which resulted in me turning away to face the pain alone. He's so abusive that he doesn't realize it. I don't want to give up on him like others have done, but is there any way we could work such problems out? I've always wondered why women never leave an abusive relationship/man, and now I know. Once you're in too deep, there is no way out.
-Abused in Aberdeen
Dear Abused,
The sad paradox of abusive relationships, whether they entail physical or verbal abuse, is that they make the victim feel as if that person must be the savior of the aggressor. You say, for example, that you don't want to give up on him as others have done; ok, but you also don't want to commit yourself to a life of damaging abuse. If you are in love with this person and are sure you want to stay with him for the long run, you should try to assess first whether that seems at all possible, and second, you should investigate a route of therapy for his behavior. Perhaps he can consult a psychologist. Perhaps every time he treats you poorly you can simply state that you refuse to be treated that way, and leave. Regardless of what you decide, there should be a clear consequence to his actions, so that he understands the behavior needs to be stopped. If it does not improve and does not cease, then you need to decide whether to be a doormat or not.
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