A Little Less Insecurity, A Little More Action Please

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three and a half years. Last month "Nick" told me that in the past he was gay, but that our relationship has made him heterosexual. I felt secure with our relationship before I found out that in the past he was a homosexual, but now I feel uneasy. It's always in the back of my mind that he is going to turn gay again, and leave me for a male. What should I do, trust that he won't stray or break it off?

-Confused in Calcutta

Dear Confused in Calcutta,

Ms. Meniscus does not understand why this would be any different than if your boyfriend had been with other women before you. To Ms. Meniscus, this seems to be more of a question of trust than the fact that your boyfriend was formerly a homosexual. Ms. Meniscus advises that you think long and hard about your relationship and whether or not you feel comfortable with your commitment to each other. If you really feel that your boyfriend will leave you for someone else (male or female), then you do not have the trust that it will take to forge a strong and worthwhile relationship.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend and I have known each other for about 6 yrs now. My mother who is the dominant parent does not like him because of his family status. He can't call or take me out without my mother throwing a tantrum. My dad on the other hand is very sweet. He likes my boyfriend. My problem is that I love this person and we would like to get married but I have my mother's outbursts to deal with . I should add that I live in a very traditional East Indian home where the culture is quite the opposite of modern day Western Style open-mindedness. What is my best course of action and how do I do it without bringing dishonor to my father.

-News from New Delhi

Dear News from New Delhi,

Hmm. Well, it is interesting to Ms. Meniscus that you ask how you should go about your engagement and desire to be married without bringing dishonor to your father, when you have noted that he seems supportive of the relationship and that he likes your boyfriend. Nevertheless, whichever way you spin it, it seems there will be conflict with your mother. Sooner or later your mother will have to acknowledge that your boyfriend is your potential life partner. Whether she chooses to respect this is another matter. What you can do to try to ease this transition in status is to speak to your mother about the entire situation. In addition, try inviting your boyfriend over for dinner with your family (unless plates and food would be thrown at him by your dominating matriarch). It is possible that the more your mother is "involved" in the process, the more understanding she will be.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My fiancŽe is really insecure and it really bugs me. I haven't done anything to make her not trust me but I am her first boyfriend. We argue every night about other girls. We can't even go into the town without having an argument about me looking at other people which is normal. I praise her all the time and show her a lot of affection. I just feel so useless. Feels like I don't do anything to please her. I really need some advice because I am having other thoughts. But I love her so much. HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

-Bombasted in Bombay

Dear Bombasted in Bombay,

If your partner is this insecure and she is engaged to you, that is not a good sign for the future of your relationship. Ms. Meniscus advises that the two of you sit down and have a long talk regarding why it bothers her so much if you are not looking straight ahead or down at the sidewalk. At the same time, examine your own behavior. Do you stare at other women? Are your actions suggestive of greater interest than you may be willing to admit? If you are "having other thoughts," this suggests to Ms. Meniscus that your engagement is rather questionable. Please speak with your partner; perhaps the two of you will reach an understanding that you both want to please the other and seem to fall short--and then amend your respective behavior. If the conversation goes nowhere, perhaps you need some time apart to clarify your desires, before committing to marriage.

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