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Monster Jealousy, Monster Dependency, and Monster Trucks
Dear Ms. Meniscus,
My fiancˇ wants to go see the guy she lost her virginity to and I don't want her to go. I understand there is a close bond between the people you lose your virginity to. I don't feel comfortable with her going to see him. I trust her with everything but that doesn't seem right to me. Am I wrong for not letting her go? I mean I love her more than I have ever loved anyone else in this world and I want to marry her. Tell me what you think.
-Possessive in Peoria
Dear Possessive in Peoria,
First of all, Ms. Meniscus is quite troubled by the terminology you use in your letter. It is one thing to not relish the fact that your fiance wishes to see her old beau, but quite another thing to not let her see this individual. Ms. Meniscus firmly believes in independence in relationships, and it should not be up to you but rather up to her if she wants to see this person. In addition, you say you trust her with everything; if that is really true, then you should have no problem with her visiting someone with whom she used to be close. If you are truly insecure about her fidelity, then perhaps you should question the nature of your relationship rather than her simple desire to see someone she probably still cares for on some level. If you are that bothered by it, please speak directly to her about the issue, explain your insecurity, and see how she reacts.
Dear Ms. Meniscus,
Hello. I am a 23 year old girl who has been involved with the same guy for 2 years now. He has a lot of trouble accepting my parents because they control my life. We are completely compatible but our living styles are completely different. He's a neat freak and I'm a messy person. He said because of this it will be very hard for him to propose to me in the future. My parents basically told me they would disown me if I moved in with him before marriage. How do I choose? Truth is-- I am not sure we will be able to live together either so I would like to test it out before marriage but my parents would never ever allow it. I can't lose both of the people I love. My parents wont be able to handle this stress, my brother passed away last year and they have enough problems. What do I do?
-Lost in the Living Room
Dear Lost in the Living Room,
Unfortunately, it is often the case that people have to choose between what parents want, what partners want, and what they themselves desire. In your case it seems important that you test your relationship with your potential husband before marriage is either proposed or abused or forgotten. If you are meant to be together, then issues of personality within living space will resolve themselves. It will most likely require a great degree of compromise on both your parts, but if you love this person that sort of sacrifice will be well worth it. Try explaining to your parents that in order for you to determine whether this is the right life partner for you, you must test the waters. What is better--cohabiting before marriage or potential divorce because it turns out you are incompatible and you didn't give yourself the chance to know this beforehand?
Dear Ms. Meniscus,
I have a boyfriend who LOVES his trucks/cars. I love trucks/cars a lot too, granted it isn't my career. However, lately I feel like when he has to prep for a race or go to a race, I'm forgotten. When he is on his way home he would call and let me know that he's safe and I'd be seeing him in a short time. This time, however, he didn't call to let me know he was okay when it was originally decided that I would see him about 6pm the day he returns. In fact, he didn't call till after midnight! Additionally, I don't think he feels he did anything wrong or inconsiderate. How do I get it across to him that he's in a relationship now (1yr) and although he can go out and have fun, he needs to let me know that he's safe (especially when in these races people get killed).
-Sick of Trucks
Dear Sick of Trucks,
Ms. Meniscus cannot understand at all why cars and trucks are not your career; therefore, she does think she can be of any assistance in this matter.
Just jesting, dear. Ms. M agrees with you completely that your boyfriend should have the common courtesy to simply call and let you know that he has not been killed in a monster truck crash or something of that nature. It is indeed a dangerous sport to be involved in and whether he recognizes that or not, he should understand that you care about him and therefore do not want him injured in a truck race, however valuable that sort of endeavor and pursuit may be. Please speak with him directly and simply, expressing your concern.
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