Take you home, take you out, take you for granted

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have been dating this guy for a few months and it is going well. We see other often and talk pretty much every day. He met my parents once and sometimes mentioned taking me home to meet his (they are 3 hours away). Then, he changes his mind and he will go visit them without me. He said he wants me to meet them but it is complicated. I think he also worried about the staying overnight at their house issue. They divorced a few years ago and since we started dating, his dad moved a lady in with him and his mom had a strange man over when he went to visit her. Do you think he is just embarrassed?

-Alabama slammer

Dear Alabama slammer,

Sounds like the baggage is going home with him, but you're not. There could be a hundred reasons why he doesn't take you home to meet his parents. But that's not the problem. He has to feel comfortable enough with himself and the relationship to tell you what's going on. If he isn't, this relationship is doomed. It may or may not be your fault. I can't tell without meeting you both. Give him a chance to check the baggage at the door and talk to you honestly. If he can't, then there's no need to meet his parents.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I graduated high school in 1998 and I have been through a lot since then. I have been a drug addict for years and thanks to God I'm in recovery now. I'm starting college and I need some advice on how to meet non drug addicted women in school.

-Old school

Dear Old school,

Congratulations for getting and staying clean. It's not easy. First, don't be attracted to girls who drug. Second, don't talk about your drug addiction for at least five dates. Third, just be nice to people -- men and women. Listen to them, don't talk about yourself, don't offer opinions. People will recognize your strong character and be attracted to you. And most of all, leave religion out of your conversations until you get to know someone It's a polarizing topic and will cause people to accept or reject you for the wrong reasons. Let them see you, not your former drug addiction or your present religion -- unless of course you meet them at church/synagogue/mosque.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Ok, my BF is really sweet when it's just us. He always tells me he loves me and he will never leave me, and I really trust him, but at school and in public, he completely ignores me. I told him how I feel and he says he can't help it: he's shy and he's always gonna act like that, but he acts like he's not dating me and like he dosen't like me. Everyone, including him, says I'm too good for him, but I still love him, but I hate crying everyday because of something he did or something someone said about how he acts. I just feel so bad about how he treats me and how he acts like such a jerk but I always let it go when I talk to him but I don't feel like I can do that any more. What should I do about his shyness?

-Confused

Dear Confused,

You should be confused. Your boyfriend is sending very mixed signals. One aspect of this relationship is very clear, however. He is taking you for granted. This has to stop. It's not about shyness. It's about being a caring and considerate man. You deserve better and tell him so. He's acting like a spoiled child.

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