See a shrink, have a drink?, raise a stink

See a Shrink

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I've been with my husband for 31 years, married 20 of those. Now he finds comfort in a co-worker and says he doesn't want to hurt me but he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I still love him and always will. What should I do? Try to keep him or let him go?

-Louise

Dear Louise,

After 31 years, he owes you more than this. You both need to try to make this work. See a counselor. I'm guessing he hasn't been treating you honestly for many years, and maybe you haven't been either. Think about who you want to grow old with, and where the money is. Healthcare is expensive. After 31 years, you deserve some financial security as well as a good person to continue to grow older with. Do not throw this relationship away without trying to save it.

Have a Drink?

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have been dating Josh for three years. We have had our ups and downs but after so many we have both become stronger and more mature and have been able to stay together through thick and thin...or so I thought. About a year ago I found out that he had been going to parties and drinking behind my back for about 6 months. A girl at one of these parties claimed they kissed when they were drunk. All the guys said it never happened and all the girls said it did. Josh was willing to do anything to stay with me and he was very sorry and sure enough I fell for the puppy dog act. We stayed together, and to this day I still don't know if he cheated on me or not. The only way I began to cope with this is by becoming extremely jealous and controlling. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stand to let Josh hang out with his friends or talk to another girl out of fear that he was going to go to a party or cheat on me. I guess Josh couldn't stand the way I was acting or treating him so we broke up. I have been trying with all I have to fix things and he has been leading me on to believe we were working out all our problems. Well today, after a big argument about how he thinks we need a break from each other for a little to experience with new people, he told me that he has already found someone and he doesn't want to hurt me in the future so he was going to tell me now. The person he had meet had been a girl that I have hated for a very long time because she has been trying to get in between me and Josh. Josh knew I didn't like her and we would even get in fights about their friendship. Then he told me that he has already kissed her and intends on going out with her. He says he still loves me and cares about me. He just wants to be with her because she is fun and doesn't care if he drinks or parties. I feel horrible and that I am not good enough for him and three years of my life has been flushed down the drain. Josh just keeps telling me that this needs to happen so when we get back together in the future we will realize how much we love each other. I don't know what to do because I don't think that Josh kissing and going out with the one girl I hate more than the world is going to help any of the problems we already have. What do I do? And please understand that we love each other and this isn't just some break up that I need to get over. This is practically my life. Josh is my world and I am his. Where do I go from here. I just wish that I could close my eyes, wake up, and have a perfect life.

-Andrea

Dear Andrea,

Ha. Slow down girl. You're 16. You've been with a guy for three years. You drink. OK. What do you plan to do when you're 17? Josh is being honest with you. Accept his honesty. You do not control him. You've raced ahead into situations you are not able to handle. Back up and start looking at why you're so jealous. Start to examine what you can do to create a more involving and caring relationship -- without Josh. Find a person who really wants to be with you.

Raise a Stink

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Well, I have a boyfriend and he said yes to another girl--he was going to be her boyfriend. He said that he is really sorry and said that he likes me and not her, and keeps asking me to forgive him. He told me he'd do anything--please forgive him. I told him that he had to get down on his knees and say he was sorry and he did it, but I think I did the wrong thing.

-What Do I Do

Dear What Do I Do,

Raise a stink. He either is or is not your man. If he is, he has to prove it every day. No playing around with other girls. Or with you. You're only 14. Get your man in line, and you stay in line, too.

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