Wanting Something You Don't Have

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My brothers and I really want a puppy, but mum and dad keep turning us down. They say dogs are too much hard work and money.

I understand all the important things to look after a dog, like the walks, but I'm ready for it!

-Puppy Lover

Dear Pup,

Ah, to be young again and so self-assured! Your parents are right to be wary of acquiring a pet -- not only are those cuddly puddles of cute additional members of the family (adding to the family's living costs), but much time is required to take care of them. Like small children, puppies require a lot of attention. They must be potty trained. They must learn a regular schedule for eating, playing and going to the bathroom. And those visits to the vet aren't free!

Before you do anything else, young Pup, head to the library and check out every book you can find on your favorite breeds of dogs. Read them. See what taking care of these little fellas entails. Then, put your studying into practice: dog-sit other folks' dogs for a few days -- ask a friend or extended family member to let you. Show your parents that you're serious and that you can handle this.

If you can't handle the care, be honest with yourself. Try again in another year.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

What does it mean when a married woman flirts with a married man?

-Curious in Cincinnati

Dear Curious,

Flirtation usually stems from wanting something you don't have. If performed in the proper context, flirting can be quite fun for singles in pursuit or committed couples showing their affection for one another.

However, as in the situation you described, flirting means a whole lot of trouble if the intentions to cheat are true and carried out. If you are on the receiving end of such flirtations, and in a relationship yourself, put as much space between you and the free-spirited woman as you can. No good can come from those interactions.

Keep in mind that the flirtation may all be part of your own perception -- meaning she doesn't intend to flirt with you at all. To both save face and end the question of flirtation, communicate to her what it is that she's saying or doing that makes you uncomfortable. No accusation of flirting is necessary.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

This might sound wrong but my cousin and I love each other (as in more than cousins). We see each other only during winter vacation, as we don't live in the same country. I have no idea what to do. When I leave, I can't stop thinking about him. And the same for him.

We know there can't be a relationship between us, but how do you forget the person that you have loved the most?

-Lovelorn Jet-setter

Dear Lovelorn,

You already seem to understand this is a relationship of which your family and friends will not approve -- otherwise you would have pursued it already. Even as recent as 100 years ago, it wasn't all that uncommon even for Americans to date and marry their cousins. (Example: President Franklin. D. Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor, although I must point out that they were fifth cousins, not first.)

But we live in 2007. Science has taught us we should mix the gene pool up as much as we can. If there are recessive genes present in your family that lead to disease, producing children -- who receive only those recessive traits -- will ensure disease contraction for them. Keep in mind, too, the strange and uncomfortable situation of having your aunt as your mother-in-law.

It is impossible to choose who we love. But it is possible to choose how we act upon our feelings. With so many more negative outcomes for this relationship than good, I would say it is time to turn your gaze to other pastures. Ones that don't include family members.

Will you be able to "forget," as you say? Probably not. But that does not mean your life should stop moving forward.

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