All You Want To Do Is Yell

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My roommate has no respect for me or my stuff. We were close friends before living together, but I find I cannot stand her now. I'm about ready to explode on her!

What should I do?

-Tense in Topeka

Dear Tense,

Bottling up your feelings creates stress for you and leads to an inevitable blow-up -- one from which your friendship may never recover. As annoyed as you may be with your roommate (and, let us not forget, friend), imagine the situation from her perspective. She may not realize how her actions or words come across.

Sit down and talk with her. Explain how you're feeling -- and gently seek feedback. Perhaps she acts the way she does because of some discomfort with you.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

Last year I battled testicular cancer and, after several months of drug and radiation therapy, came out with a clean bill of health. The problem is: the cancer is all anybody around me ever wants to talk about. I feel like yelling at them is the only way to end the conversation.

How do I keep from alienating friends and family?

-Recovering

Dear Recovering,

What you have been through can be quite traumatic. If you find yourself having difficulty on a day-to-day basis dealing with your battle mentally or emotionally, please do not hesitate to reach out for help. Psychologists, therapists, and cancer support groups can easily be found utilizing the literature provided by your doctor, or by going online to the American Cancer Society's Web site at http://www.cancer.org.

For all of those friends and family who care for nothing but your well-being, kindly tell them you no longer feel comfortable discussing this subject and would prefer they talk about something else. There is no need for a cruel tone, just firmness in your response. You have nothing to be ashamed of by not wanting to dwell on something so negative and draining.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, yet he doesn't trust me. Any time I go out with friends, he wants to know exactly what I did and where. I tell him, though it doesn't seem to be good enough.

I keep myself on my best behavior out of my love and respect for him. But sometimes, when facing his never-ending interrogations, I just want to scream.

-At Wit's End

Dear Wit,

Sit down and ask yourself: is this really the relationship in which you want to be? After two years, you two should be more trusting of each other, not less. Has he been this way the entire duration of the relationship? If so, he's not likely to change anytime soon and it may be time for you to move on.

However, if it's been a recent development, you could try sitting down with him and talking -- not about your activities (around which you've been running circles), but about his questioning itself. As with our other two readers, this can be done gently and without cruelness. But you need to get at the root of his apparent mistrust. Then you can decide the fate of the relationship.

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