Be Quiet and Listen

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I love to sing around the house -- especially in the shower -- but my roommate keeps getting angry at me. He says I'm interrupting his work time, but I don't think he should be working at home in the first place.

What should I do?

-Singer in Sarasota

Dear Singer,

Step back and listen to what your roommate is telling you: this goes beyond the simple tonal ambiance of the house. He sees your insistence on singing -- to the detriment of his concentration, despite being asked not to -- as disrespecting him, his work and his space. Is this really the way you want to treat someone who shares your home (and comes within close proximity of your valuables)?

It's not up to you to decide without him how his work schedule functions. Sit down with your roommate and discuss a compromise: perhaps there can be a daily two-hour block in which he won't work and you can sing.

Though I can't promise he won't reach for the ear plugs.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My family doesn't like my new fiance, and they're becoming more and more distant. They did the same thing to my last three fiances.

This should be the happiest time of my life, but they're ruining it. What should I tell them?

-Irate in Idaho

Dear Irate,

First, stop and listen to what you're telling me. Four fiances? You've now put your family through the process of marital engagement -- and break-up -- three times. For the fourth, it may not be that they dislike your current love so much as your past actions have taught them it won't last.

Don't get defensive -- it will only push them further away. You must atone for your seeming indecisiveness in the past, and work to help them understand better how your heart works.

And hold tight on the grand gestures of love -- they can really come back to bite you on the derriere when things don't work out.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My girlfriend is always so serious -- at work, at home, when we're out with friends. I try to get her to loosen up, but whenever I'm discussing our private life with friends, she tenses up and freaks out on me. We get home and she seems upset at me.

I get so frustrated at her. What am I doing wrong?

-Hopeless in Houston

Dear Hopeless,

You answered your own question. Listen to me: stop discussing your private life with friends, family, and strangers. Period.

Your girlfriend obviously is not comfortable with those private tales being discussed with others (hence the tensing up). If it's a common occurrence from you, she's probably always nervous about what will slip out of your mouth next.

As to why she doesn't feel comfortable enough to ask you not to share these stories with others, that is indicative of some deeper communication problem within the relationship. That must be fixed also. Save her the trouble, Mr. Enthusiastic Talker, and talk to her about it.

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