Navigating cultural shifts

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm an adult who has overbearing parents! They feel that I can do better than my boyfriend because he doesn't have a college degree (little do they know that he is graduating this summer with his associates degree).

My dad doesn't have a college degree, so who is he to tell me who to date?

-Karla in Kansas

Dear Karla,

Why don't your parents know he's a soon-to-be college graduate? An already present lack of communication won't help your cause here.

Otherwise, remember that our culture is shifting. Time was, it was an accomplishment to graduate high school -- forget college. And a dependable, thirty-year job could be obtained based solely on that.

In today's world, it is natural for your folks to worry about your future financial security. Start by reminding them you're happy with this fella. But also remind them that, in today's world, a degree doesn't guarantee work anyways.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I have been dating a Christian man who has his own Gospel Group. He told me he had been divorced about six months, separated for almost a year.

After dating for almost three months, his wife (!) told me that she found out about ME, which made HER ask for a divorce. He allowed me to fall in love with him BEFORE telling me he was still MARRIED. I have never been married and am a very loving person.

I am having such a hard time walking away because of course he starts saying everything I want to hear. PLEASE tell me how to gain the courage and strength to WALK AWAY.

-Chipped Crystal

Dear Crystal,

Either folks are getting more hypocritical, or we're simply becoming more aware of it.

Ol' Meniscus here keeps her faith close to the heart. I've always been wary of those who shove it in the faces of others -- seems like they're overcompensating for something.

Regardless, you already stated the answer to your dilemma. For your emotional health and the stability of your world, you need to leave this lying, two-timing hypocrite, and stand on your own two feet. Do it out of love for yourself. Someone is out there who will love you truly.

And for heaven's sake, do it out of compassion for his wife -- think of the torment she's gone through, and you're contributing to that!

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I'm gay and when I came out a few years ago, it was terrifying and I was so scared of losing all of my friends. But most of them were really cool about it.

Things have quieted down, and I even have a boyfriend now. But it's my parents -- I haven't told them yet. And I don't know how to. They're very conservative and, though I was afraid to lose my friends, I'm REALLY afraid to lose my parents.

What do I do?

-Determined in Dover

Dear Determined,

My precious poppet ... my heart yearns for the time when all of our children can grow up without fear of prejudice, racism, sexism, homophobia, and rejection.

Congratulations on coming to terms with who you are and being brave enough to live your truth! Crystal's boyfriend above would have done well to learn that lesson years ago -- before he dragged innocent lives into his pain-inducing circle of existence.

Know this: if your parents love you, they will be there for you regardless. Sure, it may not be pretty in the beginning -- in fact, it could be quite uncomfortable for all involved.

But remember that people most fear that which they do not understand. Educate them: share with them what your life is, who you truly are (i.e. you still put your pants on one leg at a time). If they go the "you're defected" route, remind them that the American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder OVER THIRTY YEARS AGO (people here in the U.S. need constant reminding on that one).

Check out this great organization -- Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). They have great resources for those coming out and their family and friends. Their Web site is: www.pflag.org

Have a question for Ms. Meniscus? Submit it below. She looks forward to hearing from you!