Growing apart over time

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I am having trouble with my fiance. We have been together for almost six years, but lately we argue. A lot. I am not sure about my feelings for him, but I am scared of being alone.

What can I do?

-Kasey in Concordia

Dear Kasey,

Having a partner just for company's sake is not worth perpetual tension and arguing, especially if you've grown apart over time. If you are not one hundred percent sure you love this man and want to marry him, get out. This is your life -- and someone else is out there with whom you have more in common.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My wife of almost eight years told me the other day that she had been lying to me about her past. She was the first woman I had ever been with, and had told me I was her first as well.

I have to say initially it hurt imagining that, but the real problem for me is the honesty. I am not sure that I can trust her any more. How do I know she is not lying about being faithful in our marriage? I am having a real hard time forgiving her. How can I get over this?

-Agonized Amir

Dear Amir,

Forgiveness is hard. The key to getting through it is that you have to want to forgive.

Do you still love your wife? If so, the answer is obvious: sit down and continue this conversation with her. Take it as a blessing that she feels more comfortable with you now than she did all those years ago.

Also keep in mind that having multiple intimate partners before marriage has nothing to do with someone being monogamous and faithful to his/her spouse after it. Perhaps she saw this as a little white lie, told to protect your feelings. Or perhaps she was afraid of condemnation on your part. Talk to her. Let her prove you can trust her now more than ever.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I am moving in with a friend from college.  We became really close friends over a short period of time -- too close actually.  Now that we are moving in though, I am beginning to dread it.  The clinginess is more than I can handle: calls throughout the day, "What are you doing?" and "Where are you at?"  The need to be around each other 24/7.

Knowing that we have both moved on from each other, but still having that spirit about us,  living together I'm afraid is going to be more than I can handle and I don't know what I should do about it.

-Sleepless in Scranton

Dear Sleepless,

It seems obvious you two were romantically involved. Living with friends can be bloody difficult -- living with former lovers even more so. What is particularly stressful for you in this situation is that, despite having "moved on" from whatever relations in which you two were engaging, your roommate desires a continued social intimacy. But you want to keep him at arm's length.

You have to talk with him. Tell him what you told me -- it could really alter his behavior (I'm going to guess he has no idea you feel this way). Living with the tension for the next year is not worth it.

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