Member Profile Stéphanie Bélisle My name is Stéphanie Bélisle and I live in Sherbrooke, in the Canadian province of Québec. My member profile will probably look the same as the others, but I won't know until after writing it down, eh? (So, I invite you to do yours right after you've read mine.) I am 20 years old and all the specialists that I have consulted already (generalist, rhumatologists, neurologists, etc...) just don't know exactly what my problem is, because my blood tests are always normal. Very frustrating. Going to school was driving me crazy and making me desperate. My last school was situated at the top of a hill and to access it, I had to climb about 50 steps and walk pretty far from the underground metro station. It was the Polytechnique of Montreal. My session went so badly because of the constant pain, I had to transfer. So, here I am, at the Université of Sherbrooke in the program of chemical engineering. So, my neurologist referred me to one of the best rhumatologist in the province (Dr. Carole Yeadon) and she has decided to find what my problem is. Right now, she gave me a cocktail of pills that I take every day and my life has changed. My pain appeared in March, 1996. It was my first serious ballroom dancing competition. My partner and I had a very good score. The day after, my elbows were not functional anymore. Months after, it attacked my hands (which were my pride) and changed them, then my knees really seriously and my feet. Today, my neck and my jaw are also affected. So, I suffered until last June 2000, because doctors were not able to diagnostic my problem and that my body system was not able to tolerate "anti-inflammatories." The hardest thing was to see that my own parents were not able to understand all the pain and its effects on me. Dealing with it everyday transformed me. I became very stressed, very tensed, very angry. The only thought of losing my capabilities was terrifying me and I think I have never accepted it. I gained weight. I could no longer do my hobbies, dancing and horseback riding, because of the pain. Doing exercices in a gym was too hard. Friends were there, but...It looks like if people don't see blood, they can't understand that you have pain. Very frustrating. I guess you know what I mean. And then, I realized that I had to go through it the best that I can. But, let me tell you that it have been very difficult to me and it stil is the case. When pain is too suffering, sometimes I become depressed and I cry lying down on my bed, asking "Why me? Why me? Did I do something wrong?" And when I look around and compare myself to others, it is the worst. I know I should not do this, but I just can't avoid myself thinking about it. Also, questions like "Will I be able to walk in ten years? Will it cause me problems with my future profession? Will I still competent? Will I be simply able to work?" Young readers, do you have the same questions in your mind? Am I the only one who is a little bit pessimistic about my health? Am I normal even if I have to live with this every day? Will somebody fall in love even if I have those problems? Probably... Why not? Hopefully, I have noticed that a good medication that reduces the pain reduces also the pain in my mind. And now, I am feeling really better, not perfect, but almost. And I can study very hard and ride my horse and still be able to hold my pen or to brush my teeth. Wow! My mind is also in better shape. My motivation to attend school came back. I have to say that I have always still been very joyful even as I was going through this, but when I was alone in the dark of the night, there was depression and cries. This period is going away slowly but surely, and I consider that it gave me a certain life experience. A hard one, but an experience for sure. And now I can deal with it on a better way and I am proud of me. It is not perfect, but it is better. I am in the "T-bar to the top of the mountain." It is hard but I'll get on the top someday. Thank you to those of you who read my text. I hope it will help you as reading yours helped me. Thank you...and good luck! Keep smiling! Stéphanie Bélisle   Back to Profile Homepage   Send us your profile Entries become the property of CreakyJoints and may be edited by the CreakyJoints staff. Your name: Your email address: Write (or cut-and-paste) your story:   Unfortunately, due to the volume of email we receive, we may not be able to acknowledge receipt of your story.