Introduction & Early Stages

Latest Entry

Entries:

January 2001

Saturday, January 06, 2001

So I didn't write anything for a couple of days. Big deal. It's not like anyone would have read it, since everyone should have been busy spending "holiday time" with their family and friends. That's what I was up to. I shouldn't feel as guilty as I do for not writing something sooner. Oh well.

The New Year came and went. Big hoopla there. Yea right. It was the most passive, sobering New Year's I've ever experienced – but a good, relaxing time. What a change from what my life has been like in the last 3 months. I spent the New Year's with my family, quietly and peacefully. I have recently (last week or so) started to feel better. Not 100%, but well enough to get moving.

I actually felt well enough to do something that I've wanted to do for years, but never could muster the nerve. Believe it or not, this afternoon, Shayne and I went ice-skating.

Let me just tell you what a thrill it was. For as long as I could remember, I always thought that roller-skating and ice-skating were so much fun. Must stem from my fascination of going fast on wheels. I've always wanted to go ice-skating with someone special. I know – cheesy as hell – but something that I was determined to do. This morning I woke up with that inclination burning inside of me, and knew that today was the day. I didn't care what my hips or my knees felt like. Today was the day. I'm too young to let crap like this go by and not be a part of it.

So earlier today Shayne and I bundled up in our turtleneck sweaters, our pea coats and our knit gloves. First stop: the candied apple store for two candied apples. Shayne got caramel, I got cherry. Together we ate our apples, sharing with one another, as we watched the men clean the ice between sessions. I felt like Rudy from the movie "Rudy," watching so intently with my eyes slightly squinted as if to imagine myself skating without pain. I wasn't sure how things would go, but I knew that I'd be laced up and ready to skate in no time.

To make a long story short, put it this way: Shayne did well. I watched her from the benches skate around and around, not knocking one single person over! She got the hang of it really quickly. Unfortunately, I was only able to do three or four laps, because the pain kicked in unlike anything before. As if to teach me a lesson and put me back in my arthritic place. But I'd do it all over again, just to be able to wobble and wiggle around before I got my balance. I'm no Nancy Kerrigan, but I doubt she lives with what I have. I was filled with a lot of emotions. Happiness to be doing something that I really, really, really wanted to do (and was determined to do no matter what). But also a lot of grief and sadness for being just utterly incapable of doing something so simple, so seemingly easy as ice-skating. And finally there was the pain which made me stop sobbing and stop feeling sorry for myself, and made me focus on how to take off my skates, made me worry about how to limp to the locker, and so on for the rest of the night.

Shayne and I went home after that to relax a little. I got more and more stiff and sore, but had a full schedule to keep. We were then off to meet Andy and Foster for dinner, then home for a change, then they came over to watch a movie.

In the end, it was one of the best days that I can remember, despite the pain I was in. It was the company of the girl who stole my heart and two of my best friends that made all of the yukka stuff go away. Funny how easily one can be distracted when they're surrounded by people they really care about. I'd do it all over again if I could...

Tuesday, January 23, 2001

It’s 6:23 pm, Tuesday, January 23, 2001, and the hours before the start of a new semester are quickly becoming less and less. I am no longer going to be on vacation, on break, and away from school in just a few short hours. I will be back in the swing of things, no doubt, this time tomorrow. But until then, I will have to prepare myself physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Physically in that my diet should and will change. I will have to re-adjust my eating schedule to accommodate 8am classes. Emotionally in that “mom and dad” won’t be down the hall when I awake, and I won’t have to answer as to my whereabouts late the night before. And psychologically in that I will have to prepare to kick some GPA ass in the coming weeks.

I can’t say that I don’t want to go back to school – because I must admit that I have the good life up there. Wonderful roommate Tyler (when he’s not throwing up from a stomach bug) who really cares about my wellbeing (despite the 4.0-if-your-roommate-dies rumor). Great teachers who are always looking out for me, and a campus that is really arthritis-friendly (when it wants to be). Well I shouldn’t say it’s exactly arthritis friendly, but the people there are.

But I’ll have to entirely readjust my life and my routine that I got so comfortable with in the past five weeks (has it been that long?). I will have to get used to staying up late to study, living off of the occasional delivered pizza, and kiss the comfortable couch at home goodbye, or so-long for now. I’ll be back soon enough though, I just know it.

For the remaining minutes I have at home (even though I have an 8am class tomorrow morning and I’m standing 225 miles from where it will be) I will be relaxed and calm, and I will collect my thoughts and plan to do my best this semester. One last bowl of ‘moms soup’, one last shower without flip flops, and one last night of quiet, relaxing sleep. Then it’s back to college for me.