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November 2001

Sunday, November 11, 2001

Considering today is 11/11, I did not have good luck at Foxwoods casino earlier today. Well, I shouldn't say that. After lunch and a snack, I left with $10 less than what I came with. So as far as 'recreational gaming' is concerned, I left quite the lucky guy.

But don't tell anyone, since I'm not 21 and technically I'm not allowed to play. Maybe it's the goatee. Or maybe it's the limp as though I was wounded in Desert Storm. I never seem to get carded, and I always enjoy the time I spend by myself, playing with the house's money.

I justify the occasional trip to the casino by saying that in light of the fact that I can't drink, it's not smart to do drugs (more so than I'm prescribed, so to speak), and partying is tricky, I escape the world by playing a couple bucks at the craps table. Never too much, never enough.

So that was my day. Big deal. I'm exhausted from waking up so early (like a giddy boy Christmas day) and standing on my feet for five hours. I feel like I spent the whole day at physical therapy, and instead of rolling the ball around the floor with my legs, I rolled the dice down the table screaming "yooooooo!"

If only my health insurance could cover the dice game.

Tuesday, November 20, 2001

I saw my doctor yesterday. The checkup lasted an amazing 40 minutes, but I think itís because we talked so much about photography and the right way to cook a turkey. Itís been close to a month (I have lost track) since I have stopped taking the Azulfidine. I feel not-so-bad (knock-on-wood!), but I credit that mostly to my swimming and lots of physical therapy (you can even see the difference in my chest and my arms!).

He put it to me this way: "why do you want to bother with this pain? Take the Enbrel." He really pushed that stuff on me, like I was buying a Rolex on 42nd Street in Times Square. But not without good cause. I told him that I didnít feel that bad, and I would rather save that stuff for one day God Forbid I actually need it. His reply was calm and immediate: "well, if you take it now, you probably would never get to that point". Damn heís smart.

So I left with so many thoughts. Wondering what to do. Not quite sure. I think he was under the impression I was afraid to give myself a shot twice a week. Nah, as long as no needles go into any holes that already exist in my body, Iím fine with that. But I couldnít explain to him exactly why I was so against taking that new drug. Itís just not for me, I thought. I didnít want to consider myself that sick. Iíd deal with pain 10 times worse (and many days I do), until Iíd even think about trying that. For now these NSAIDS are doing an adequate job making me more comfortable and an excellent job rotting my insides. Almost.

Sunday, November 25, 2001

There is nothing worse in this world than a rainy Sunday night. No less a rainy, dark, cold Sunday night after a week of holiday. But there is a glimmer of hope. For the first time in over a decade -- drumroll -- I completed my homework due Monday well in advance. That's right, nothing to do but clear my head and write down some thoughts and some feelings. It's a rare occurrence, but the type that has put me in a fairly good mood. Despite it being a rainy, dark, cold Sunday night after a long week off of school.

But the week off was greatly needed. I got a chance to actually relax for about an hour or so. Relaxing my body meant relaxing my routine. When you relax your routine, everything gets all screwed up. The only regret I have is not taking my vitamins on schedule, the way I have been doing for about 3 months now. I definitely felt the ups and downs of energy because of it, which gave me even more reason to buckle down.

A healthy dose of home cooking, some free laundry and a comfortable couch (in lieu of a wooden desk chair) made the week fly by. Every year I come home from college I get more and more thankful for being home. For taking showers in my own bathroom, for sleeping in my own bed, for being able to walk downstairs and open a fridge to find anything that my heart may desire. Or my stomach for that matter.

It was great to drive on familiar roads, to bump into old friends and to have a chance to spend more time than I usually get a chance to with family. Boy is my family great. What an exciting Thanksgiving we had at the house. Fortunately it went over without a hitch and while we're still all in a great deal of shock because of it, it's just 51 weeks left until we do it all again.

Tuesday, November 27, 2001

Everybody has their thing -- superstitions of one kind or another -- about their arthritis. For me, it has been my dirty, beat up Kenneth Cole boots. My favorite (and only) pair of boots (they're not cowboy boots, just regular brown boots that any cool, urban person would wear)(stress the urban) have been tucked away under my bed for close to 8 months. I haven't been able to wear them because they're so heavy, and they always hurt my back and my hips in the past whenever I wore them out.

Today I put everything on the line and decided to risk it all. And I'm glad I did. To me, it's a small sign that things are on the good side, since the whole day has gone by and I am not hurting more than usual. Granted it's extraordinarily superficial, and frankly, very materialistic to be thinking in this way. But for me it's all that and more. It's a symbol that I'm going to be OK and that we all have our good days and our bad days

This is one good day with the fashion looks to prove it. Baby.